Subject: Appearance (Page 13)

If your body is 90 per cent water why have you got to drink water all the time? Why can’t you just have some crisps?

(1975 – ) English comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Body

She was short on intellect, but long on shape.

(1672 – 1719) English essasyist, poet & politician
Appearance Body Intelligence

Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an ax.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Situations

Pizza is like a lady’s breasts: there’s good pizza… and there’s great pizza; but there isn’t bad pizza.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Women

I don’t look older, I just look worse.

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
Age Appearance Body Old

I'm not against half-naked girls – not as often as I'd like to be.

(1924 – 1992) English comedian & actor
Appearance Body Clothing Situations

He has become the oldest living cute boy in the world.

(1953 – ) American author, journalist & opinion columnist
Age Appearance Insults Old

Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window; you may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.

(1922 – 2003) author & playwright
Appearance Clothing Marriage Shopping

Blondes make the best victims; they're like virgin snow that shows up the bloody footprints.

(1899 – 1980) English filmmaker & producer
Appearance Body Entertainment Film

I wanna tell you… I was ugly. I was so ugly, I went to the proctologist and he stuck his fingers in my mouth.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Self

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

(1921 – 1984) British comedian & magician
Appearance Clothing

You want to have a little fun, go to a fashion show and throw a cookie on stage and watch them.

(1961 – ) American actor & comedian
Appearance Body Eating Fat Food/Drink

Whoa. Where you going in those pants? 1982?

(1964 – ) American actress, producer & director
Appearance Clothing TV/Movie Quotes

Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn’t had plastic surgery; come on… she’s had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance

There's only one thing wrong with my wife's face – it shows.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Ugly

As a matter of fact, I'm glad my skin is dark, because if I was a white girl, I would look 10 pounds heavier.

(1971 – ) American comedian & actress
Appearance Body Fat

The curve is more powerful than the sword.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Appearance Body

He's as big as a gorilla and as strong as a gorilla; if he was as smart as a gorilla he'd be fine.

college football coach
Animals Appearance Body Insults Intelligence

I had one guy at a gas station in New York say to me, “Hey, you look like that Hugh Grant… no offense.”

(1960 – ) English actor
Appearance People Self

She had a face lift, tummy lift, and buttock lift, and now she's two feet off the ground.

comedian
Appearance Body

I’ve throwed away chicken bones with more meat on it than he’s got.

(1902 – 1973) American actress
Appearance Body