Subject: Appearance (Page 13)

I’ve lost seven pounds this week… or, as my girlfriend calls it, ‘the baby’.

British comedian & emcee
Appearance Body

In her last days, she resembled a spoiled pear.

(1925 – 2012) author, playwright, essayist & screenwriter
Appearance Insults

Esther Clavin: The last thing I want to see is my son’s face on the 11 o’clock news.

Carla: There’s an entire city that agrees with you.

(1947 – ) American actor & entrepreneur
Appearance TV/Movie Quotes

I am not overweight; I fluctuate between chubby and curvy!

(1979 – ) American actress, comedian & writer
Appearance Body Fat

A bird in the hand makes blowing your nose difficult.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Animals Appearance Situations Things

Actually, it only seems as though you mustn't be deceived by appearances.

Appearance Characteristics Murphy’s Laws

Gomez: He has my father's eyes.

Morticia: Gomez, take those out of his mouth.

(1951 – ) American actress & director
Appearance TV/Movie Quotes

I'm kinda stuck in that awkward in-between stage where my hair is just starting to fall out, but I'm still maintaining my youthful acne.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
Age Appearance Body

I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body Self

Muscles come and go; flab lasts.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor
Appearance Body Fat

Now, it’s true I married my wife for her looks… but not the ones she's been givin’ me lately.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Body Marriage Wives

He is so fat… he's on both sides of the family.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Do you travel as one person or do you get a party rate of ten?

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Appearance Fat TV/Movie Quotes

Elly has more curves than a goat-path.

(1908 – 2003) American actor & dancer
Appearance Body TV/Movie Quotes

We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Appearance Characteristics Children Intelligence Religion Wives

She was known as a two bagger; that’s when a girl is so ugly that you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Ugly

So short he has to stand on a box to kick a duck in the ass.

Appearance Body Expressions

Every time I breathe, they like, ‘Why you breathing so hard?'…So I can live!


Appearance Fat Self

‘Homemade’ sounds much better when not referring to tattoos.

American comedian & actor
Appearance Body

No one is as ugly as their passport photo.

Appearance Murphy’s Laws Ugly

I'm the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night… and reduce the crime rate.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance Conflict Crime People Self Ugly