Subject: Appearance (Page 14)

Cockroaches and socialites are the only things that can stay up all night and eat anything.

(1916 – 1997) newspaper journalist
Appearance Body Fat

I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance People Self Ugly

We know Jesus can’t have been English; he is always wearing sandals, but never with socks.

(1958 – 2006) English radio performer, stand-up comic & writer
Appearance England Places

She’s so big, it takes two men and a boy just to look at her.

Appearance Body Expressions Fat

I saw what’s going on under my chin; I don’t want to be the one the president has to pardon on Thanksgiving.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance People Self

I was in Kashmir last weekend… went to visit one of my sweaters.

(1947 — ) American actor, writer, comedian & director
Clothing Places

I was not a particularly small child; I was the one who always got picked to play Bethlehem in the school nativity.

(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian
Appearance Body

He had one eye, and the popular prejudice runs in favor of two.

(1812 – 1870) English novelist
Appearance Body

Bald: When one has less hair to comb but more face to wash.

Appearance Definitions

Wrinkles: Something other people have… you have character lines.

Appearance Body Definitions

You’re as pretty as any of them… you just need a nose job.

(1949 – ) American actor, comedian & writer
Appearance Body TV/Movie Quotes

I used to look like this when I was young and now I still do.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Appearance Body Yogi-isms

He looked like something that had gotten loose from Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

(1888 – 1964) comedian & actor
Appearance Body Insults

I'm so physically deficient that the act of sleep injures me.

(1978 – ) American comic writer
Appearance Body

With four sisters about the house, I could never get my hands on a comb.

American boxing champion
Appearance Boxing Hair Sports

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee; unfortunately, she was just coming home.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Clothing Sex Wives

I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body; then I realized who was telling me this.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Body Intelligence

You’re welcome to take a bath; you look like the second week of the garbage strike.

(1927 – 2018) playwright & screenwriter
Appearance

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Appearance Family Mothers Ugly

I'd hire her to haunt a house!

Appearance Miscellaneous Ugly

Armor: A knight gown.

Clothing Definitions