Subject: Appearance (Page 14)

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body Girls

I hate thin people; “Oh, does the tampon make me look fat?”

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body Fat

If someone told him to haul ass he'd have to make six trips.

Appearance Body Expressions Fat

No matter what time of year it’s always funny when a person walks by me dressed in religious garb and I say Happy Halloween!

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Appearance

Fat is lost last where it is wanted the least. Corollary 1: Fat is lost first from areas of high desirability.
Corollary 2: With time fat flows from areas of high to low desirability. – Hal Belknap, M.D.

Appearance Body Fat Murphy’s Laws

My body has no sexual meaning anymore, so if I can make people laugh with it, at least it's being used.

Louis Szekely (1967 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & director
Acting Appearance Body Entertainment

You should never tell someone they have a nice dimple, because maybe they were shot in the face with a BB gun.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance

She is so fat… she can't even jump to conclusions.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

He looked as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food.

(1888 – 1959) detective novelist & screenwriter
Appearance

I used to look like this when I was young and now I still do.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Appearance Body Yogi-isms

I now consider it a good day when I don’t step on my boobs.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age Appearance Body Old

I want to get a tattoo of myself on my entire body, only 2" taller.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Body

I get a lot of cracks about my hair, mostly from men who don't have any.

(1933 – 2006) politician
Appearance Hair Men

Buster Douglas went to bed as a 231-pound world champion and woke up as a 270-pound parade float.

American sports columnist
Appearance Body Boxing Fat Sports

Lady Astor to Churchill: ‘Sir you’re drunk!’

Churchill’s reply: Yes, madam, I am drunk, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Appearance Beliefs Opinion

1. Beauty is only skin deep, but it’s a superficial world. 2. Beauty’s in the eye of the beholder, yet pin-ups find plenty of room.

Appearance

I’ve got a slight weight problem… I went to this doctor. Well, he told me I swallow a lot of aggression… along with a lot of pizzas!

(1950 – 1994) Canadian actor & comedian
Appearance Fat TV/Movie Quotes

The uglier a man’s legs are, the better he plays golf.

Appearance Body Golf Murphy’s Laws Sports

I told my girlfriend that it looked like she was drawing her eyebrows too high… she looked surprised.

Appearance

The only parts left of my original body are my elbows.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance Body People Self

It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.

(1817 – 1862) American author, poet, philosopher,, naturalist & historian
Appearance Intelligence Wisdom