Subject: Appearance (Page 14)

His head is so big… he has to step into his shirts.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Activities Clothing Sex Things Women

It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse.

(1900 – 1965) diplomat & Democratic politician
Appearance Situations

You want to look younger… rent smaller children.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Age Appearance Children Young

She had curves in places other women don’t even have places.

(1950 – ) American actress, singer & model
Appearance Body

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Children Clothing Family Health

Comparing Madonna with Marilyn Monroe is like comparing Raquel Welch with the back of a bus.

George Alan O'Dowd (1961 – ) British singer-songwriter
Appearance Body People

Brain: The apparatus with which we think we think.

Body Definitions

Trying to get a little kid dressed is like gift-wrapping an octopus.

American writer
Appearance Children Clothing Family

If God had intended us to go around naked, He would have made us that way.

Appearance Beliefs Clothing God

If it says “one size fits all,” it doesn’t fit anyone.

Clothing Murphy’s Laws

A plastic surgeon increases your face value.

Appearance

The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.

Clothing Military Murphy’s Laws

"Play it as it lies" is one of the fundamental dictates of golf; the other is "Wear it if it clashes."

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Appearance Clothing Golf Sports

Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Body Sex

Does a fat boy like cake.

Appearance Body Expressions Fat

The only person who ever left the Iron Curtain wearing it.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Clothing Insults

… an old man who dresses like a Hooter’s waitress.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Clothing Hair Insults

Little things start to change in your life — like your socks start to get tight.

(1953 – ) American comedian & actor
Appearance Body Fat

She's so fat… when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

1. Fat expands to fill any apparel worn.
2. A fat person walks in the middle of the hall.

Appearance Body Fat Murphy’s Laws