Subject: Appearance (Page 16)

The older you get, the higher your underwear – get like rings on a tree; you're 80-90 years old – your breasts are inside them.

stand-up comedian, actor, writer & producer
Age Appearance Body Clothing Old

She has got 10 foot pole marks all over her.

Appearance Expressions Ugly

The last time I saw a mouth like that it had a hook in it.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Ugly

He is so fat… people jump over him rather than go around.

Appearance Exaggerations Fat

The problem with women in an orchestra is that if they’re attractive it will upset my players and if they’re not it will upset me.

(1879 – 1961) English conductor
Appearance Entertainment Music People Women

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Appearance Body Characteristics

I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Ugly

It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.

(1943 – ) English rock singer
Activities Appearance Body Fat Self

If people don’t want to listen to you, what makes you think they want to hear from your sweater.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Appearance Clothing

Common looking people are the best in the world: that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Appearance People

He is so fat… when his beeper goes off, people think he's backing up.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

The best reason I can think of for not running for President of the United States is that you have to shave twice a day.

(1900 – 1965) diplomat & Democratic politician
America Appearance Government Places President

Her mouth looks like a jaybird’s ass in pokeberry time.

Appearance Expressions

If I want to wear my tits on my back, that’s my business!

(1946 – ) American recording artist, actress, director & record producer
Appearance Body Self

Ugly as home made sin on a Sunday.

Appearance Ugly

She has a four-pocket backend.

Appearance Expressions Fat

I've never been an intellectual, but I have this look.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Appearance Intelligence

If beauty is truth, why don’t women go to the library to have their hair done?

(1805 – 1864) English editor, novelist & sporting writer
Appearance People Truth Women

He is so fat… he can't even jump to a conclusion.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

She looked like a huge ball of fur on two well-developed legs.

(1904 – 1973) English novelist & biographer
Appearance

Plastic surgeons are always making mountains out of molehills.

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & actress
Appearance Body Health