Subject: Appearance (Page 19)

My wife is Hawaiian; well… no she’s not, but she’s shaped like a pineapple.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Body Wives

A cherub's face, a reptile all the rest.

(1688 – 1744) English poet
Appearance Insults

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance People Self

He is so fat… he can't even jump to a conclusion.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

White pants should be worn on two occasions: One, never, and two, if you’re selling ice cream.

(1959 – ) American actor, stand-up comedian & television host
Appearance Clothing

I wear my heart on my sleeve… I wear my liver on my pant leg.


Appearance Body Characteristics Emotions Situations

I have such poor vision I can date anybody.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Appearance Body Characteristics People

He’s even smaller in real life than he is on the track.

(1926 – ) English sports commentator
Appearance Colemanballs Misspokements

She is so fat… her favorite meal is seconds.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

With four sisters about the house, I could never get my hands on a comb.

American boxing champion
Appearance Boxing Hair Sports

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: ‘This looks much better on.’… On what?… On fire?

(1954 – ) American actress & comedian
Activities Clothing Shopping Situations Women

No woman can be too rich or too thin.

Duchess of Windsor (1896 – 1986) American socialite & wife of the Prince Edward, formerly King Edward VIII
Appearance People Wealth Women

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Body Mind People

I suppose you know you have a wonderful body; I’d like to do it in clay.

(1925 – ) American singer & actress
Appearance Body

Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they’ve got nothing to lose.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Appearance Conflict Fights Individuals People Ugly

The best cure for hypochondria is to forget about your body and get interested in someone else's.

(Aiskowitz) (1899 – 1982) humorist
Appearance Body Health

A woman is as old as she looks before breakfast.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Age Appearance Old People Women

Sometimes I fall asleep at night with my clothes on; I’m going to have all my clothes made out of blankets.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Clothing Situations Sleep

I once described him [Arnold Schwarzenegger] as looking like a condom full of walnuts.

(1939 – ) Australian author, critic, broadcaster, poet & memoirist
Appearance Insults

You know, you get that tattoo of barbed wire when you’re 18, but by the time you’re 80, it’s a picket fence.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Age Appearance Body Old Young

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime.

(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)
Body Characteristics Money Work