Subject: Appearance (Page 20)

The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Clothing Husbands Marriage

I once walked in on my grandparents making love… and that’s why I don’t eat raisins.

(1969 – ) comedian & actor
Appearance Sex Situations

Diets are for those who are thick and tired of it.

Appearance Body Wordplay

You might be a redneck if… you have more belt-buckles than pants.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Clothing People Rednecks

I got my hair highlighted, because I felt some strands were more important than others.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Hair

Those hot pants of hers were so damned tight, I could hardly breathe.

(1924 – 1992) English comedian & actor
Appearance Body Situations

Azinger is wearing an all back outfit: black jumper, blue trousers, white shoes and a pink tea-cosy hat.

British sports announcer
Appearance Clothing Misspokements

I'm kinda stuck in that awkward in-between stage where my hair is just starting to fall out, but I'm still maintaining my youthful acne.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
Age Appearance Body

He's the only man able to walk under a bed without hitting his head.

(1897 – 1972) broadcast journalist & gossip columnist
Appearance Insults

If God had wanted women to have giant… fake boobs he’d be a lot like my brother.

(1964 – ) American comedian
Appearance Body Women

There were times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.

(1900 – 1967) American film actor
Clothing Money Poverty

Naseem Hamed is naturally fit. I've seen more fat on a butcher's apron.

English boxing journalist & commentator
Appearance Body Boxing Sports

I hate thin people; “Oh, does the tampon make me look fat?”

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body Fat

She cain’t help bein’ ugly, but she coulda stayed at home!

Appearance Ugly

If you look like your passport photo, you’re too sick to travel.

Appearance

She is a peacock in everything but beauty.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Appearance Body Insults

Love thy neighbor… and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Appearance Body Love People

My girlfriend was so fat her clothes were made by Omar the tent maker.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Fat Girlfriends

I once described him [Arnold Schwarzenegger] as looking like a condom full of walnuts.

(1939 – ) Australian author, critic, broadcaster, poet & memoirist
Appearance Insults

The only thing worse than a husband who never notices what you cook or what you wear is a husband who always notices what you cook and what you wear.

Appearance Cooking Food/Drink Husbands Marriage Murphy’s Laws

She gave me a smile I could feel in my hip pocket.

(1888 – 1959) detective novelist & screenwriter
Appearance Body