Subject: Appearance (Page 21)

Englishwomen's shoes look as if they had been made by someone who had often heard shoes described, but had never seen any.

(1910 – 1997) American writer
Appearance Clothing England Insults Places

I actually thought about getting breast implants because I'm a radical, militant feminist and a hypocrite, it turns out.

(1970 – ) American stand-up comedian & voice actor
Appearance Body Characteristics

His nose is so big… he has to lift it to eat.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

Cutting off a mule's ears doesn't make it a horse.

Appearance Proverbs Situations

Doctors tell me I have the body of a thirty year old. I know I have the brain of a fifteen year old. If you've got both, you can play baseball.

American baseball player
Appearance Baseball Body Intelligence Sports

I look like a mix between a Jew and a guy who would drive by in a truck and yell "Jew.”

American comedian
Appearance People Self

When I was pregnant, my friends sneered: ‘Eating for two, are we?’… I said, get lost, I’m not cutting down.

(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian
Appearance Body Eating Food/Drink

After I told my wife that black underwear turned me on, she didn't wash [mine] for a month.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Appearance Clothing

She’s so fat she wears stretch kaftans.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body Clothing Fat

Outside every fat man there is an even fatter man trying to close in.

(1922 – 1995) English novelist & poet
Appearance Body Fat

All babies look like Renee Zellweger pushed against a glass window.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance

The last time a straight man worked in the fashion industry, we got a fanny pack.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian, television host, actress, & author
Appearance Clothing People

Golf is more fun than walking naked in a strange place, but not much.

(1924 – 2003) American comedian & actor
Appearance Golf Sports

Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes.

(1817 – 1862) American author, poet, philosopher,, naturalist & historian
Appearance Clothing

I just accept them as a great accessory to every outfit.

(1979 – ) American actress
Appearance Body Clothing

Fingernails are for opening things and toenails are for storing precious minerals off the ground.

(1978 – ) American actress, writer & comedian
Appearance Body

I like what mechanics wear… overall.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Clothing Communication Language

I was never over-weight, just under-tall; the correct height for my weight at the moment is seven feet ten and a half inches.

(1951 – ) Irish comedian & singer
Appearance Body Fat

He is so ugly… the psychiatrist makes him lie face down.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

They say an actor is only as good as his parts; well, my parts have done me pretty well, darling.

(1937 – ) English actress
Acting Appearance Body Entertainment

She was so tall if she fell down she would be halfway home.

Appearance Body Expressions