Subject: Appearance (Page 22)

Marty Noble: How come you’re wearing argyle socks?
Myers: I’m not. I got these at Woolworth’s.

professional baseball player
Appearance Clothing Misspokements

Women, that butterfly [tattoo] looks great on your breast when you're twenty or thirty, but when you get to seventy, it stretches into a condor.

(1869 – 1945) American actor
Appearance Body

If I weren’t earning $3 million a year to dunk a basketball, most people in the street would run in the other direction if they saw me coming.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Appearance Body Fear

Comparing Madonna with Marilyn Monroe is like comparing Raquel Welch with the back of a bus.

George Alan O'Dowd (1961 – ) British singer-songwriter
Appearance Body People

No one has ever had an idea in a dress suit.

(1891 – 1941) Canadian physician & physiologist
Appearance Clothing Ideas Intelligence

You know how embarrassing it is to walk with a girl on a first date and see somebody with the same shirt as you on – and they homeless?

American stand-up comedian
Appearance Clothing Dating Relationships

That baby is ugly…I’ve never seen a 6-month-old so desperately in need of waxing.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Insults

She is so fat… the police told her to break it up.

Appearance Exaggerations Fat

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
Body Mothers Science/Weather

Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Fat Insults

I’ve put on some weight recently; my wife says it’s just puppy fat, but I’ve been eating other things as well.

comedian
Appearance Fat

If people don’t want to listen to you, what makes you think they want to hear from your sweater.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Appearance Clothing

Pizza is like a lady’s breasts: there’s good pizza… and there’s great pizza; but there isn’t bad pizza.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Women

There is an obesity epidemic; one out of every three Americans… weighs as much as the other two.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body

I kept thinking, if his face was that wrinkled, what did his balls look like?

(1937 – ) English painter, printmaker, stage designer & photographer
Appearance

How would you like to feel the way she looks?

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Appearance Insults

Barbara Walters is said to sleep standing so that the silicone won't move.

(1936 – ) Greek-born journalist & writer
Appearance Insults

My mother was the worst cook ever; in school, when we traded lunches, I had to throw in an article of clothing.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Clothing Cooking Family Food/Drink Mothers

Liz: Why are you wearing a tux?

Jack: It’s after 6 o’clock Lemon. What am I, a farmer?

(1958 – ) American actor & producer
Appearance Clothing TV/Movie Quotes

She's not wearing enough clothes to flag a hand car.

Appearance Clothing Expressions

Nowadays, a balanced diet is when every McNugget weighs the same!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Appearance Body Fat