Subject: Appearance (Page 27)

An optimist is a girl who mistakes a bulge for a curve.

(1885 – 1933) columnist & writer
Appearance Body Fat

Looks like he’s been sortin’ wildcats.

Appearance Expressions

People on horses look better than they are; people in cars look worse than they are.

(1904 – 1990) American author & critic
Animals Appearance Autos Things

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast; turned out to be a trick knee.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Body Health Relationships

He makes a Macy's Thanksgiving Day float look ridiculous.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Appearance Insults

Beauty is only sin deep.

(1870 – 1916) British writer
Appearance Wordplay

Pamela Anderson revealed all the taste and refinement of a hooker on holiday.

(1933 – ) English actress & author
Appearance Insults

When you’re a fat kid, you only get to be two things… funny and goalie.

(1980 – ) Canadian writer, comedian & political activist
Appearance Body Children Fat

People always ask me how long it takes to do my hair – I don’t know, I’m never there.

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & actress
Appearance Hair

He is so ugly… his doctor is a vet.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

Falsies: A hope chest.

Body Clothing Definitions

A man's face is his autobiography; a woman's face is her work of fiction.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Appearance Men People Women

She is so fat… when she sits around the house, she sits around the house.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Smilin’ like a goat in a briarpatch

Appearance Expressions

I have a doctor's appointment on Monday; I'm not even sick – it's just that I've been working out, and I want someone to see me naked.

American comedian
Appearance Body Fat

Competence, like truth, beauty and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
Appearance Characteristics

I can’t wear yellow anymore; it’s too matchy-matchy with my catheter.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Self

How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs Characteristics Clothing

I am not overweight; I fluctuate between chubby and curvy!

(1979 – ) American actress, comedian & writer
Appearance Body Fat

My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body

All God’s children are not beautiful; most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Appearance People