Subject: Appearance (Page 27)

I think it’s pretty cool how the Chinese made a language entirely out of tattoos.

Appearance Body Places

An optimist is a girl who mistakes a bulge for a curve.

(1885 – 1933) columnist & writer
Appearance Body Fat

Maternity sweater, $52. Comes in unisex sizes.

Classifieds Clothing

I think they have to take this bunch down to the slaughterhouse to get weighed.

American football coach
Appearance Football Sports

Tact is the art of telling someone to lose thirty pounds without ever using the word “fat.”

Characteristics Fat Murphy’s Laws

Terry Downes' face looked as if he had slept on it.

English broadcaster, journalist & author
Appearance Boxing Sports

The same dress is indecent ten years before its time; daring one year before its time; chic in its time; dowdy five years after its time; hideous twenty years after its time; amusing thirty years after its time; romantic one hundred years after its time; beautiful one hundred and fifty years after its time.

(1899 – 1975) English fashion designer & critic
Appearance Clothing

He is so fat… when his beeper goes off, people think he's backing up.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes; with male menopause you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Fat Men People Women

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, talks like a duck… it probably needs a little more time in the microwave.


Appearance

Women, that butterfly [tattoo] looks great on your breast when you're twenty or thirty, but when you get to seventy, it stretches into a condor.

(1869 – 1945) American actor
Appearance Body

It's high time the press finally got one thing right about me.

(1954 – ) American professional tennis player
Appearance Body Communication

My girlfriend has lovely colored eyes; I particularly like the blue one.

Appearance Body

Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor… I was committed!

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance

Eunuch: One who is cut off from temptation.

Body Definitions

The life expectancy of a house plant varies inversely with its price and directly with its ugliness.

Appearance Murphy’s Laws Ugly

They used to shoot her through gauze; you should shoot me through linoleum.

(1903 – 1968) movie actress
Appearance People Self

Trying to get a little kid dressed is like gift-wrapping an octopus.

American writer
Appearance Children Clothing Family

She is so fat… when she was a kid she could only play seek.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Human beings are seventy percent water, and with some the rest is collagen.

(1943 – ) comedian & actor
Appearance Body People

Security here tonight is tighter than some of the faces.

(1955 – ) American comedian, actress, political activist & talk show host
Appearance