Subject: Appearance (Page 29)

One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance People Self Situations

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Appearance Body Characteristics

Wrinkles are hereditary; parents get them from their children.

(1924 – ) American actress & singer
Appearance Children Family Parents

Every time I see you naked I feel bad for your wife.

Czech hockey player
Appearance Body Hockey Sports

He doesn't die his hair, he bleaches his face.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Appearance Insults

I told my wife that there was a chance that radiation might hurt my reproductive organs, but she said in her opinion it’s a small price to pay.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Appearance Body

The prettiest dresses are worn to be taken off.

(1889 – 1963) French poet, novelist, playwright, artist & filmmaker
Appearance Clothing Sex

I’ve got a shirt for every day of the week… it’s blue.

American humorist & public speaker
Appearance Clothing

Fat is lost last where it is wanted the least. Corollary 1: Fat is lost first from areas of high desirability.
Corollary 2: With time fat flows from areas of high to low desirability. – Hal Belknap, M.D.

Appearance Body Fat Murphy’s Laws

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee; unfortunately, she was just coming home.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Clothing Sex Wives

There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid.

(1957 – ) American actor, comedian, writer & director
Appearance Clothing Sex

He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Appearance Body Fat Insults

Christians can have big tits, too.

(1921 – 2011) American film actress & sex symbol
Appearance Beliefs Body Religion

Her hair lounges on her shoulders like an anesthetized cocker spaniel.

American journalist & critic
Appearance Hair Insults

All other things being equal, a bald man cannot be elected President of the United States.

Appearance Government Hair Murphy’s Laws President

Had double chins all the way down to his stomach.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Appearance Body Fat Insults

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Appearance Body Women

I had a Jewish delivery; they knock you out with the first pain; they wake you up when the hairdresser shows.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Family

A face like a wedding cake left out in the rain.

Appearance People

Cultivate your curves – they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Appearance Body

I had a girlfriend that was so fat she had her own postal code.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Fat Girlfriends People Women