Subject: Appearance (Page 29)

The problem with women in an orchestra is that if they’re attractive it will upset my players and if they’re not it will upset me.

(1879 – 1961) English conductor
Appearance Entertainment Music People Women

Makeup: What it takes to look natural.

Appearance Definitions

I’ve never read an article of clothing.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Appearance Clothing Reading/Writing

Why don't you get a haircut… you look like a chrysanthemum?

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Appearance Insults

A plastic surgeon increases your face value.

Appearance

She’s so ugly she makes onions cry.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

I sight down my nose to shoot, and now my nose isn't straight since I broke it. That's why my shooting has been off.

American basketball player
Appearance Basketball Body Sports

I was walking down the street, something caught my eye – and dragged it fifteen feet.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Body Places Situations

I've never been an intellectual, but I have this look.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Appearance Intelligence

A man's face is his autobiography; a woman's face is her work of fiction.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Appearance Men People Women

He is so fat… when he gets his shoes shined he has to take the man's word for it.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Falsies: A hope chest.

Body Clothing Definitions

Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn’t had plastic surgery; come on… she’s had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance

That baby's cuter than a speckled pup in a red wagon.

Appearance Expressions

I know [my head] is big because every time I'm in a picture, it always looks like I'm really close to the camera.

Canadian comedian
Appearance Body Self

How much would you charge to haunt a house?

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Appearance Communication

I'm Jewish and Italian, and I lucked out and got the nose of both cultures.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian, actress & writer
Appearance People

After all the nice things I’ve said about that hag! … when I get hold of her I’ll tear out every hair of her mustache!

(1903 – 1968) movie actress
Appearance Insults

If God had wanted women to have giant… fake boobs he’d be a lot like my brother.

(1964 – ) American comedian
Appearance Body Women

My girlfriend was so fat her clothes were made by Omar the tent maker.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Fat Girlfriends

Nancy Reagan fell down and broke her hair.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Appearance Hair