Subject: Appearance (Page 30)

If you ever thought you were ugly, Los Angeles is the place to come and find out you were right.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Places

Her hair lounges on her shoulders like an anesthetized cocker spaniel.

American journalist & critic
Appearance Hair Insults

I want to get a tattoo of myself on my entire body only 2” taller.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Body

You want to have a little fun, go to a fashion show and throw a cookie on stage and watch them.

(1961 – ) American actor & comedian
Appearance Body Eating Fat Food/Drink

They say an actor is only as good as his parts; well, my parts have done me pretty well, darling.

(1937 – ) English actress
Acting Appearance Body Entertainment

Normally, I’m not turned on by big teeth, but on you they work.

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician
Appearance TV/Movie Quotes

She looks like something that would eat its young.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Appearance Insults

You know how embarrassing it is to walk with a girl on a first date and see somebody with the same shirt as you on – and they homeless?

American stand-up comedian
Appearance Clothing Dating Relationships

Liposuction: A surgical procedure from which the patient emerges significantly lighter in both pounds and dollars.

Appearance Body Definitions Health

I’ve put on some weight recently; my wife says it’s just puppy fat, but I’ve been eating other things as well.

comedian
Appearance Fat

Nowadays, a balanced diet is when every McNugget weighs the same!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Appearance Body Fat

He's a disappointed narcissist.

(1949 – ) English actor, writer & theater director
Appearance Body Insults

I belong to a gym now… well, let me rephrase that: I don't belong there at all, but I go.

(1969 – ) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Body

Last week I stated that this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen… I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Appearance Ugly

My mom took me to a dog show and I won!!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Appearance Dogs People Self

My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up; so which one's the real hero?

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Clothing

Very few blacks will take up golf until the requirement for plaid pants is dropped.

(1949 – ) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Clothing Golf Sports

I don’t think cops should wear mirrored sunglasses; the whole time the guy was chewing me out, all I could think was “I should cut my bangs.”

Canadian-American comedian & writer
Appearance Hair Situations

Buster Douglas went to bed as a 231-pound world champion and woke up as a 270-pound parade float.

American sports columnist
Appearance Body Boxing Fat Sports

Sex is a bad thing because it rumples the clothes.

(1929 – 1994) U.S. first lady, wife of John Fitzgerald Kennedy & book editor
Appearance Clothing Sex

That's like the Queen Mary losing a deck chair.

(1928 – 2001) American basketball coach
Appearance Body Fat