Subject: Appearance (Page 30)

He is so ugly… he has to sneak up on his mirror.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

It is only the shallow people who do not judge by appearance.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Appearance People

Fashion is something that goes in one year and out the other.


Appearance Clothing

I think women who think size doesn't matter are shallow.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Body Characteristics

He doesn't die his hair, he bleaches his face.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Appearance Insults

When you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese.

(1969 – ) comedian & actor
Appearance Self

Is she fat? … Her favorite food is seconds.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body Eating Fat Food/Drink Insults

She is so ugly… she has to trick or treat over the phone.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

She wears her clothes as if they were thrown on with a pitch folk.

(1667 – 1745) Irish satirist & essayist
Appearance Clothing Insults

I knew I was going bald when it was taking longer and longer to wash my face.

(1964 – ) English comedian, author & television presenter
Appearance Body Hair

Merely because the group is in formation does not mean that the group is on the right course.

Appearance Murphy’s Laws

Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie;’ he said ‘God beat me to it.’

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Alcohol Appearance Body Food/Drink

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with ‘Guess’ on it; I said, ‘Thyroid problems?’

(1956 – ) American comedian
Appearance Body Clothing

I just accept them as a great accessory to every outfit.

(1979 – ) American actress
Appearance Body Clothing

I refuse to think of them as chin hairs; I think of them as stray eyebrows.

Appearance

Arabs wear turbines on their heads.

Clothing Malaprops

A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Body Situations

I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn’t eat before you swim; she said, ‘why not? ’ I said, ‘you look fat.'

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Appearance Fat

Falsies: A hope chest.

Body Clothing Definitions

Actress Mary Anderson: Mr. Hitchcock, what do you think is my best side?
Hitchcock: My dear, you're sitting on it.

(1899 – 1980) English filmmaker & producer
Appearance Insults

Every time I see you naked I feel bad for your wife.

Czech hockey player
Appearance Body Hockey Sports