Subject: Appearance (Page 30)

I have a vest; if I had my arms cut off, it would be a jacket.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Clothing

I wouldn’t change anything but I could do with sharing my bottom and thighs with at least two other people.

(1949 – ) British media personality & author
Appearance Body

You might be a redneck if… you've ever bought lingerie at a yard sale.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Clothing People Rednecks Shopping

The guy that designed girls’ volleyball uniforms definitely never had daughters.

(1970 – ) American actor, producer & stand up comedian
Appearance Clothing Sports

A bag of tattooed bones in a sequined slingshot.

Richard Blackwell (1922 – 2008) fashion critic, journalist, & designer
Appearance Body Clothing Insults

Bagpipes covered in hair.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Body

She resembles the Venus de Milo: she is very old, has no teeth, and has white spots on her yellow skin.

(1797 – 1856) German critic & poet
Appearance Insults

She is so fat… the police told her to break it up.

Appearance Exaggerations Fat

I kept thinking, if his face was that wrinkled, what did his balls look like?

(1937 – ) English painter, printmaker, stage designer & photographer
Appearance

The best reason I can think of for not running for President of the United States is that you have to shave twice a day.

(1900 – 1965) diplomat & Democratic politician
America Appearance Government Places President

I’d like to grow old with my face still moving.


Appearance Body

A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together.

(1925 – 2010) American humorist & writer
Appearance Clothing Marriage

She is so fat… at the zoo, the elephants throw peanuts at her.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

I know [my head] is big because every time I'm in a picture, it always looks like I'm really close to the camera.

Canadian comedian
Appearance Body Self

I really like what mechanics wear… overall.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Clothing Work

It’s better to be black than gay because when you’re black you don’t have to tell your mother.

comedian, composer & lyricist
Appearance Characteristics Mothers

He is so fat… when he ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

I was in Kashmir last weekend… went to visit one of my sweaters.

(1947 — ) American actor, writer, comedian & director
Clothing Places

Abdicate: To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Body Definitions

I'd hire her to haunt a house!

Appearance Miscellaneous Ugly

Looking fifty is great – if you're sixty.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age Appearance Old