Subject: Appearance (Page 31)

Why doesn’t the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Body Fat Hockey

If you have to release bad news to the public, it would help if you are not ugly.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Ugly

He’s so skinny, his pants had only one back pocket.

Appearance Body Expressions

He is so fat… in the summer he can sell shade.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Age Appearance Body Clothing Old

I tan the easy way… I just wait for my liver spots to connect.

(1951 – ) American author, playwright & lyricist
Appearance Body

I’ve throwed away chicken bones with more meat on it than he’s got.

(1902 – 1973) American actress
Appearance Body

The youthful sparkle in his eyes is caused by his contact lenses, which he keeps highly polished.

(1904 – 1988) English-born American syndicated gossip columnist
Appearance Insults

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Appearance Beliefs Characteristics

You might be a redneck if… you work with a shirt off… and so does your husband.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Clothing Husbands People Rednecks

Time marches on and sooner or later you realize it is marching across your face.

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & actress
Appearance Time TV/Movie Quotes

Change of fashion is the tax levied by the industry of the poor on the vanity of the rich.

(1741 – 1794) French writer
Appearance Money

Girdle: Accessory after the fat.

Appearance Clothing Definitions Wordplay

I see her as one great stampede of lips directed at the nearest derriere.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Appearance Insults

A gentleman never strikes a lady with his hat on.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Clothing Men People Women

Anatomy: Something that everyone has, but it looks better on a girl.

Appearance Body Definitions

A crown is merely a hat that lets the rain in.

(1712 – 1786) King of Prussia
Appearance Clothing

Get the hanging dog expression off your face.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Appearance Malaprops

Elly has more curves than a goat-path.

(1908 – 2003) American actor & dancer
Appearance Body TV/Movie Quotes

Sometimes I fall asleep at night with my clothes on; I’m going to have all my clothes made out of blankets.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Clothing Situations Sleep

You want to look younger… rent smaller children.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Age Appearance Children Young