Subject: Appearance (Page 33)

I knew I was going bald when it was taking longer and longer to wash my face.

(1964 – ) English comedian, author & television presenter
Appearance Body Hair

Sometimes I fall asleep at night with my clothes on; I’m going to have all my clothes made out of blankets.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Clothing Situations Sleep

Bagpipes covered in hair.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Body

He has so many fish hooks in his nose, he looks like a piece of bait.

(1952 – ) American sportscaster
Appearance Insults

I’ve got a face made for radio.

(1937 – 1995) American Major League Baseball umpire
Appearance Baseball Sports

He had one eye, and the popular prejudice runs in favor of two.

(1812 – 1870) English novelist
Appearance Body

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Children Clothing Family Health

You might be a redneck if… you own a homemade fur coat.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Clothing People Rednecks

How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs Characteristics Clothing

A woman is as young as her knees.

(1934 – ) British fashion designer
Age Appearance Body Women

I’ve got a slight weight problem… I went to this doctor. Well, he told me I swallow a lot of aggression… along with a lot of pizzas!

(1950 – 1994) Canadian actor & comedian
Appearance Fat TV/Movie Quotes

You know you’re getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don’t know anyone who can see through it.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age Clothing Old

That guy has muscles in places most people don't have places.

American basketball broadcaster
Appearance Basketball Body Sports

I had a girlfriend that was so fat she had a dress with a sign on the back saying… Caution Wide Load.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Clothing Fat Girlfriends People

I keep trying to lose weight… but it keeps finding me.

Appearance Body Fat

I have good looking kids; thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Children Family Wives

Every time a woman leaves off something she looks better, but every time a man leaves off something he looks worse.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Appearance Clothing Men People Women

She is so fat… her favorite meal is seconds.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

It is better to have an ugly wife for one’s self than a beautiful wife for others.

Appearance Marriage Proverbs Wives

Penis: The male organ used to write one’s name in snow.

Body Definitions Men

You would think with all the money she saves on food she could buy a dress.

(1967 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body People