Subject: Appearance (Page 35)

Beauty may be skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian
Appearance Ugly

Bald: When one has less hair to comb but more face to wash.

Appearance Definitions

Do you ever wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and think, something’s not accurate?

(1967 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Self

I had a woman come up to me at the airport and say, “I don’t mean to insult you, but you look like Bobcat Goldthwait.”

(1962 – ) comedian, actor, voice actor, screenwriter, & film & television director
Appearance People Self

Some days even my lucky rocketship underpants won’t help.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)
Clothing Life Miscellaneous

It’s easy to tell when you’ve got a bargain – it doesn’t fit.

Activities Clothing Murphy’s Laws Shopping

Now, it’s true I married my wife for her looks… but not the ones she's been givin’ me lately.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Body Marriage Wives

If your body is 90 per cent water why have you got to drink water all the time? Why can’t you just have some crisps?

(1975 – ) English comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Body

The only person who ever left the Iron Curtain wearing it.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Clothing Insults

One out of every three Americans… weighs as much as the other two.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Fat

She has a face like a saint – a St. Bernard!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Appearance Dogs Ugly

I’m always amazed to hear of air crash victims who have to be identified by their dental records. If they don’t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

(1957 – ) is an English comedian, writer & actor
Appearance Body Death

… an old man who dresses like a Hooter’s waitress.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Clothing Hair Insults

She had a face lift, tummy lift, and buttock lift, and now she's two feet off the ground.

comedian
Appearance Body

I tan the easy way… I just wait for my liver spots to connect.

(1951 – ) American author, playwright & lyricist
Appearance Body

He has turned almost alarmingly blond – he's gone past platinum, he must be plutonium; his hair is coordinated with his teeth.

(1919 – 2001) American film critic
Appearance Insults

Hat: Something the average man covers his head with, the beggar passes around, the statesman throws into the ring, and the politician talks through.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

She looked like a huge ball of fur on two well-developed legs.

(1904 – 1973) English novelist & biographer
Appearance

Does this sign make my butt look fat?

Appearance Body Fat

I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Books Hair

I'm Jewish and Italian, and I lucked out and got the nose of both cultures.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian, actress & writer
Appearance People