Subject: Appearance (Page 35)

I had a Jewish delivery; they knock you out with the first pain; they wake you up when the hairdresser shows.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Family

The same dress is indecent ten years before its time; daring one year before its time; chic in its time; dowdy five years after its time; hideous twenty years after its time; amusing thirty years after its time; romantic one hundred years after its time; beautiful one hundred and fifty years after its time.

(1899 – 1975) English fashion designer & critic
Appearance Clothing

I sometimes close my eyes during a show because I have drawn a picture of an audience enjoying the show more on the back of my eyelids.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Situations

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Age Appearance Marriage

If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important rule of beauty, which is: who cares?

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
Appearance

[while filling out a form] Jim: Eyes…

Elaine Nardo: No, don’t put two.

Jim: Oh, they mean color, don’t they?

(1938 – ) American actor
Appearance TV/Movie Quotes

I had a girlfriend that was so fat she wore a "Cross Your Thighs" bra.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Clothing Fat Girlfriends People

He's as big as a gorilla and as strong as a gorilla; if he was as smart as a gorilla he'd be fine.

college football coach
Animals Appearance Body Insults Intelligence

I was so ugly that my parents sent my picture to Ripley’s Believe It or Not: they sent it back and said, “We don’t believe it.”

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body Ugly

A dress has no purpose unless it makes a man want to take it off.

(1935 – 2004) French playwright, novelist & screenwriter
Appearance Clothing

He had the look of one who had drunk the cup of life and found a dead beetle at the bottom.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Appearance Insults

Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
TV/Movie Quotes Ugly

There are three acceptable haircuts: high and tight, crew cut, buzz cut.

(1970 – ) American actor, writer & carpenter
Appearance Hair TV/Movie Quotes

I’m pale and I’m redheaded. I don’t tan… I stroke.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Appearance Body

Nowadays, a balanced diet is when every McNugget weighs the same!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Appearance Body Fat

Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Appearance Insults

You'll always feel good about your body when you go there – no matter what your body is – because there's always someone there who weighs 350 pounds more than you'll ever weigh.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Appearance Body Fat

He’s so skinny, his pants had only one back pocket.

Appearance Body Expressions

Is my wife dissatisfied with my body?… a small part of me says yes.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Body

Anyone might become homosexual after seeing Glenda Jackson naked.

(1939 – 2001) British author & journalist
Appearance Body Insults

An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.

Appearance Murphy’s Laws Success