Subject: Appearance (Page 36)

Sex is a bad thing because it rumples the clothes.

(1929 – 1994) U.S. first lady, wife of John Fitzgerald Kennedy & book editor
Appearance Clothing Sex

If I weren’t earning $3 million a year to dunk a basketball, most people in the street would run in the other direction if they saw me coming.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Appearance Body Fear

She is so fat… when she turns around, people throw her a welcome back party.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

A quarter-ounce of chocolate = four pounds of fat.

Body Fat Murphy’s Laws

I now consider it a good day when I don’t step on my boobs.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age Appearance Body Old

Seamstress: 250 pounds in a size 6.

Appearance Definitions Fat

He was young – He was fair – But the Injuns – Raised his hair

Conflict Epitaphs Hair Young

I got a book for my birthday “How to make it big.” I had to take it back, it was about money

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee; unfortunately, she was just coming home.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Clothing Sex Wives

I said to my husband, ‘My boobs have gone, my stomach’s gone, say something nice about my legs;’ he said, ‘Blue goes with everything.’

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age Appearance Old

A woman's dress should be like a barbed-wire fence: serving its purpose without obstructing the view.

(1934 – ) Italian actress
Appearance Clothing People Women

Jewelry takes people's minds off your wrinkles.

(1912 – 1969) Norwegian figure skater & actress
Age Appearance Old Things

She not only kept her lovely figure, she’s added so much to it.

(1927 – 1987) actor, dancer, choreographer, director, screenwriter & director
Appearance Body Insults

My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Self

Lord, if I can't be skinny, please let all my friends be fat.

(1936 – 2005) Irish comedian
Appearance Fat

Do you guys think it’s worse to wear a Fedora or kill 15 people?

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian, actress & writer
Appearance Clothing

A waist is a terrible thing to mind.

Appearance Body Fat

Not a gentleman… dresses too well.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic
Appearance Clothing Insults

I actually thought about getting breast implants because I'm a radical, militant feminist and a hypocrite, it turns out.

(1970 – ) American stand-up comedian & voice actor
Appearance Body Characteristics

Hat: Something the average man covers his head with, the beggar passes around, the statesman throws into the ring, and the politician talks through.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Common looking people are the best in the world: that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Appearance People