Subject: Appearance (Page 36)

I once walked in on my grandparents making love… and that’s why I don’t eat raisins.

(1969 – ) comedian & actor
Appearance Sex Situations

There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Appearance Body

A bleeding heart can be hell on the carpeting.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Body Characteristics Situations Things

The only really firm rule of taste about cross dressing is that neither sex should ever wear anything they haven’t yet figured out how to go to the bathroom in.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Appearance Clothing

You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, which doesn’t say much for you.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Appearance TV/Movie Quotes

I don’t consider myself bald… I’m simply taller than my hair.

American actor & comedian
Appearance

The bigger they are, the harder it is to see your shoes.

Appearance Body Murphy’s Laws

Azinger is wearing an all back outfit: black jumper, blue trousers, white shoes and a pink tea-cosy hat.

British sports announcer
Appearance Clothing Misspokements

The uglier a man’s legs are, the better he plays golf.

Appearance Body Golf Murphy’s Laws Sports

He is so fat… his high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

I broke my arm trying to fold a bed… it wasn’t the kind that folds.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Body Things

I would love to speak a foreign language but I can't; so I grew hair under my arms instead.

stand-up comedian
Appearance Body Communication Hair Speech

G String: Gownless evening strap.

Clothing Definitions

That woman's had her face lifted so many times that whenever she raises her eyebrows she pulls up her stockings.

Appearance Body

Bathing Suit: A garment cut to see level.

Appearance Clothing Definitions Wordplay

He's a trellis for varicose veins.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Appearance Body Insults

I haven’t seen this many white people in tuxedos since the Titanic.

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
Appearance Clothing TV/Movie Quotes

She is so fat… at the zoo, the elephants throw peanuts at her.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

He's grinning like a possum eating a persimmon.

Appearance Expressions

Edible underwear?… even during sex, we can't stop eating.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Eating Fat Food/Drink Sex

Two heads are better than one… unless they're on the same body.

(1885 –1974) American cartoonist, humor writer & radio personality
Appearance Body