Subject: Appearance (Page 37)

My friend got a personal trainer a year before his wedding; I thought: Bloody hell, how long’’s the aisle going to be.

comedian
Appearance Body

The same dress is indecent ten years before its time; daring one year before its time; chic in its time; dowdy five years after its time; hideous twenty years after its time; amusing thirty years after its time; romantic one hundred years after its time; beautiful one hundred and fifty years after its time.

(1899 – 1975) English fashion designer & critic
Appearance Clothing

A bird in the hand makes blowing your nose difficult.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Animals Appearance Situations Things

You’re welcome to take a bath; you look like the second week of the garbage strike.

(1927 – 2018) playwright & screenwriter
Appearance

I’m actually really intelligent; and I’m blonde, which is like… the trifecta.

comedian
Appearance Intelligence

That's like the Queen Mary losing a deck chair.

(1928 – 2001) American basketball coach
Appearance Body Fat

Brassiere: A bust stop.

Clothing Definitions

Cutting off a mule's ears doesn't make it a horse.

Appearance Proverbs Situations

The uglier a man’s legs are, the better he plays golf.

Appearance Body Golf Murphy’s Laws Sports

She wore far too much rouge last night, and not quite enough clothes; that is always a sign of despair in a woman.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Appearance

It's interesting to speculate how it developed that in two of the most anti-feminist institutions, the church and the law court, the men are wearing the dresses.

(1916 – 2000) American lawyer & activist
Appearance Clothing Law Religion Women

The robe is a lazy man's tuxedo.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Clothing

You might be a redneck if… the Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Body Marriage People Rednecks Wives

He [looks like] an umbrella left behind at a picnic.

(1852 – 1933) Irish writer, poet, art critic & dramatist
Appearance Insults

I broke my arm trying to fold a bed… it wasn’t the kind that folds.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Body Things

I just accept them as a great accessory to every outfit.

(1979 – ) American actress
Appearance Body Clothing

Marty Noble: How come you’re wearing argyle socks?
Myers: I’m not. I got these at Woolworth’s.

professional baseball player
Appearance Clothing Misspokements

Hat: Something the average man covers his head with, the beggar passes around, the statesman throws into the ring, and the politician talks through.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

If I look confused it is because I am thinking.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Appearance Intelligence Misspokements Speech Thinking

Oh my God, look at you; anyone else hurt in the accident?

(1926 – 2017) American stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Insults

A gentleman never strikes a lady with his hat on.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Clothing Men People Women