Subject: Appearance (Page 37)

Never try to guess your wife's size. Just buy her anything marked ‘petite’ and hold on to the receipt.

Appearance Body Clothing Murphy’s Laws Shopping

I was born with an adult head and a tiny body… like a Peanuts character.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Appearance Body People Self

Brassiere: A bust stop.

Clothing Definitions

She is so fat… when you tell her to haul ass, she gotta make two trips.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body Fat Insults

Friendship is not possible between two women, one of whom is very well dressed.

(1944 – 1992) American author
Appearance Clothing Friends People Women

If the shoe fits, it's too expensive.

writer, humorist, columnist & speaker
Appearance Clothing Money

All babies look like Renee Zellweger pushed against a glass window.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance

She is so ugly… when she gets up, the sun goes down.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

If you told her to haul butt, she would have to make two trips.

Appearance Body Expressions Fat

There are two reasons why I’m in show business, and I’m standing on both of them.

(1916 – 1973) American actress, dancer, singer & pin-up girl
Appearance Body Entertainment

I know the name, but I can’t replace the face.

professional baseball player
Appearance Misspokements

I belong to a gym now… well, let me rephrase that: I don't belong there at all, but I go.

(1969 – ) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Body

A woman can smell mink through six inches of lead.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Clothing Money People Women

My bottom is so big, it’s got its own gravitational field.

(1960 – ) British media personality
Appearance Body

Nowadays, a balanced diet is when every McNugget weighs the same!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Appearance Body Fat

There's a new slimming course just out where they remove all your bones; not only do you weigh less, but you also look so much more relaxed.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Appearance Body Fat

You really wanna know what you look like to other people?… have a child draw you.

(1975 – ) American comedian & talk radio personality
Appearance People Self

No one has ever had an idea in a dress suit.

(1891 – 1941) Canadian physician & physiologist
Appearance Clothing Ideas Intelligence

The quickest way to a man's heart really is through his stomach, because then you don't have to chop through that pesky rib cage.

(1980 – ) cartoonist
Body Emotions

Naseem Hamed is naturally fit. I've seen more fat on a butcher's apron.

English boxing journalist & commentator
Appearance Body Boxing Sports