Subject: Appearance (Page 37)

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, talks like a duck… it probably needs a little more time in the microwave.


Appearance

I kept thinking, if his face was that wrinkled, what did his balls look like?

(1937 – ) English painter, printmaker, stage designer & photographer
Appearance

A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Body Situations

You might be a redneck if… you have more belt-buckles than pants.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Clothing People Rednecks

Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Alcohol Appearance Beer Body Men

Short girls who take all the tall guys.

American professional tennis player
Appearance Body Sports

If beauty is truth, why don’t women go to the library to have their hair done?

(1805 – 1864) English editor, novelist & sporting writer
Appearance People Truth Women

All women tennis players should go on their knees in thankfulness to Suzanne Lenglen for delivering them from the tyranny of corsets.

American professional tennis player
Appearance Clothing Sports

A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together.

(1925 – 2010) American humorist & writer
Appearance Clothing Marriage

Little things start to change in your life — like your socks start to get tight.

(1953 – ) American comedian & actor
Appearance Body Fat

Jeans: Lower half of the international uniform of youth.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

I’ve lost seven pounds this week… or, as my girlfriend calls it, ‘the baby’.

British comedian & emcee
Appearance Body

Curve: The loveliest distance between two points.

Appearance Body Definitions

Oh my God, look at you; anyone else hurt in the accident?

(1926 – 2017) American stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Insults

My husband said he wanted to have a relationship with a redhead, so I dyed my hair.

(1937 – ) American actress, writer, political activist, & fitness exponent
Appearance Hair

I’m pale and I’m redheaded. I don’t tan… I stroke.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Appearance Body

They don't make 'em too big for this business.

(1928 – ) American stripper, burlesque star & actress
Appearance Body Entertainment

I buy a dress because I need change for gum.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Activities Clothing Shopping

If you ever thought you were ugly, Los Angeles is the place to come and find out you were right.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Places

I’ve got ten pairs of training shoes… one for every day of the week.

(1966 – ) English dance-pop singer, actress & former model
Appearance Clothing Misspokements

Gomez: He has my father's eyes.

Morticia: Gomez, take those out of his mouth.

(1951 – ) American actress & director
Appearance TV/Movie Quotes