Subject: Appearance (Page 38)

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion; he said okay, you’re ugly too.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Ugly

The coffee has burned my face! I'm going to be distorted!

Appearance Malaprops

She is so thin… she doesn’t cast a shadow.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

Appearance Body Death Eating Life Proverbs

The more underdeveloped the country, the more overdeveloped the women.

Appearance Body Murphy’s Laws Places Women World

He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Appearance Body Fat Insults

I had one guy at a gas station in New York say to me, “Hey, you look like that Hugh Grant… no offense.”

(1960 – ) English actor
Appearance People Self

The only person who ever left the Iron Curtain wearing it.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Clothing Insults

If you can’t tell the difference between a spoon and a ladle, then you’re fat.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Appearance Body Fat

When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance Places

Beyond the hair, tattoos and earrings, he's just like you and me.

(1948 – ) basketball coach
Appearance Insults

She is a peacock in everything but beauty.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Appearance Body Insults

My husband was so ugly, he used to stand outside the doctor’s office and make people sick.

(1894 – 1975) American comedian
Appearance Health Husbands Marriage Ugly

She has a face like a saint – a St. Bernard!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Appearance Dogs Ugly

He is so ugly… when he throws a boomerang it won’t come back.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

Ache: Joint concern.

Body Definitions

She was a large woman who seemed not so much dressed as upholstered.

(1860 – 1937) Scottish author, dramatist (creator of Peter Pan)
Appearance Body Clothing Insults

After all the nice things I’ve said about that hag! … when I get hold of her I’ll tear out every hair of her mustache!

(1903 – 1968) movie actress
Appearance Insults

Adult: One who has ceased to grow vertically, but not horizontally.

writer
Age Appearance Body People

It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.

(1943 – ) English rock singer
Activities Appearance Body Fat Self

We can’t be lovers because we both have mustaches, but since you’re a lady, and I’m a gentleman, I’ll shave mine off.

(1982 – ) American author
Appearance Hair Relationships