Subject: Appearance (Page 38)

My husband said he wanted to have a relationship with a redhead, so I dyed my hair.

(1937 – ) American actress, writer, political activist, & fitness exponent
Appearance Hair

I am not overweight; I fluctuate between chubby and curvy!

(1979 – ) American actress, comedian & writer
Appearance Body Fat

Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Fat Insults

You’re welcome to take a bath; you look like the second week of the garbage strike.

(1927 – 2018) playwright & screenwriter
Appearance

Aunt Esther: Who you calling ugly, sucker?

Fred: I’m calling you ugly, I could push our face in some dough and make gorilla cookies.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian
Appearance TV/Movie Quotes Ugly

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer
Appearance Clothing Education People

A face like a wedding cake left out in the rain.

Appearance People

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Appearance Family Mothers Ugly

Eunuch: A man who has had his works cut out for him.

(1930 – ) American author and billiard player, teacher & commentator
Body People

He is so fat… he's on both sides of the family.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

You know you're getting old when you start to dress in more than six colors.

(1936 – 2014) American standup comedian, actor & author
Age Appearance Clothing Old

I'm so physically deficient that the act of sleep injures me.

(1978 – ) American comic writer
Appearance Body

Little things start to change in your life — like your socks start to get tight.

(1953 – ) American comedian & actor
Appearance Body Fat

She wears her clothes as if they were thrown on with a pitch folk.

(1667 – 1745) Irish satirist & essayist
Appearance Clothing Insults

You might be a redneck if… you see a sign that says "Say No To Crack" and it reminds you to pull your jeans up.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Body Drugs People Rednecks

I always say beauty is only sin deep.

(1870 – 1916) British writer
Appearance Wordplay

Whatever the occasion, [the Queen] has a face which demonstrably says ‘I don’t give a royal s**t.

(1977 – ) British political comedian & television host
Appearance

You are 32, you are rapidly approaching the age when your body, whether it embarrasses you or not, begins to embarrass other people.

English author, actor, humorist & playwright
Age Appearance Body

Things could always be worse; for instance, you could be ugly and work in the Post Office.

writer, humorist, columnist & speaker
Appearance Characteristics Ugly Work

A plastic surgeon increases your face value.

Appearance

He looked as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food.

(1888 – 1959) detective novelist & screenwriter
Appearance