Subject: Appearance (Page 39)

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

Appearance Body Definitions

She was short on intellect, but long on shape.

(1866 – 1944) American writer, newspaper columnist, playwright & humorist
Appearance Insults Intelligence

It’s like herpes; you either have it or you don’t.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance

David Cameron says he’ll put a cap on immigrants coming into the UK… that’s wrong… immigrants should be allowed to wear what they like.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Clothing

All the men in my family are bald, and all the women are hunchbacked – and they don’t know we’re bald.

comedian
Appearance Body Family Fathers

Thirty ways to shape up for summer — number one: eat less; number two: exercise more; number three… What was I talking about? … I’m so hungry right now.

(1970 – ) American stand-up comedian & voice actor
Appearance Body Exercise

Ugly as a moose chewin ice

Appearance Expressions Ugly

When it comes to eating, you can sometimes help yourself more by helping yourself less.

(1906 – 1989) American poet & author
Appearance Body Eating Fat Food/Drink

You look like you have been drug through a knot hole backwards.

Appearance Expressions

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

Appearance Body Characteristics

John Hurt looks like Joan of Arc, after she's burnt at stake.

Appearance Insults

She is so ugly… when she walked in to Taco Bell, everyone ran for the border.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

Cockroaches and socialites are the only things that can stay up all night and eat anything.

(1916 – 1997) newspaper journalist
Appearance Body Fat

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Body Definitions

Getting old is when a narrow waist and a broad mind change places!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Age Appearance Body Old

Curve: The loveliest distance between two points.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Appearance Body

Pizza is like a lady’s breasts: there’s good pizza… and there’s great pizza; but there isn’t bad pizza.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Women

Tact is the art of telling someone to lose thirty pounds without ever using the word “fat.”

Characteristics Fat Murphy’s Laws

Receiving oral sex from an ugly person is like rock climbing; you should never look down.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Sex Ugly

It's easy to distract fat people; it's a piece of cake.

(1972 – ) English standup comedian, writer & actor
Appearance Body Fat Food/Drink

His favorite exercise is climbing tall people.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance Body Insults