Subject: Appearance (Page 40)

My breast are so versatile now — I can wear them down, up, or side by side.

(1950 – ) American actress, singer & model
Appearance Body

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee; unfortunately, she was just coming home.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Clothing Sex Wives

His head is so big… he has to step into his shirts.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

How easy for those who do not bulge to not overindulge!

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Appearance Body Eating Food/Drink People

I look like I was sent for and couldn’t go.

Appearance

He’s even smaller in real life than he is on the track.

(1926 – ) English sports commentator
Appearance Colemanballs Misspokements

Azinger is wearing an all back outfit: black jumper, blue trousers, white shoes and a pink tea-cosy hat.

British sports announcer
Appearance Clothing Misspokements

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Appearance Family Relationships

Ugly as a moose chewin ice

Appearance Expressions Ugly

My wife went to a beauty parlor and got a mudpack; for two days she looked nice, then the mud fell off.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Appearance Body Marriage Wives

Clothes by a man who doesn’t know women, never had one, and dreams of being one!

(1883 – 1971) French fashion designer & founder of the Chanel brand
Appearance

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer
Appearance Clothing Education People

He's as big as a gorilla and as strong as a gorilla; if he was as smart as a gorilla he'd be fine.

college football coach
Animals Appearance Body Insults Intelligence

A triumph of the embalmer's art.

(1925 – 2012) author, playwright, essayist & screenwriter
Appearance Insults

My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Self

I recently had my annual physical examination, which I get once every seven years, and when the nurse weighed me, I was shocked to discover how much stronger the Earth's gravitational pull has become since 1990.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Appearance Body Fat Health

He is so fat… when he gets his shoes shined he has to take the man's word for it.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Comparing Madonna with Marilyn Monroe is like comparing Raquel Welch with the back of a bus.

George Alan O'Dowd (1961 – ) British singer-songwriter
Appearance Body People

If Bill Gates is worth $30 billion then a good haircut must cost $31 billion.

(1953 – ) comedian, political commentator and television & radio personality
Appearance Body Money

My New Year’s resolution is to get in shape… I choose round.

(1975 – ) English comedian
Appearance Body Self

It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blowing off.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Clothing Science/Weather