Subject: Appearance (Page 43)

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Characteristics Clothing Communication Lies Truth World

I wouldn’t change anything but I could do with sharing my bottom and thighs with at least two other people.

(1949 – ) British media personality & author
Appearance Body

I was dating this girl once for a few weeks, and the first time she saw my penis, she said, 'Is everything a joke with you?'

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor, director & author
Appearance Body Dating Relationships

If you don’t want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Clothing Government Military

She is so fat… when you tell her to haul ass, she gotta make two trips.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Sex is a bad thing because it rumples the clothes.

(1929 – 1994) U.S. first lady, wife of John Fitzgerald Kennedy & book editor
Appearance Clothing Sex

He was young – He was fair – But the Injuns – Raised his hair

Conflict Epitaphs Hair Young

She looks like she combs her hair with an eggbeater.

(1881 – 1972) American gossip columnist
Appearance Insults

Eddie: In this body there is a thin person dying to get out.

Gran: Just the one dear?

(1925 – ) English actress
Appearance Body Fat TV/Movie Quotes

He has become the oldest living cute boy in the world.

(1953 – ) American author, journalist & opinion columnist
Age Appearance Insults Old

This shirt is “dry-clean only”… which means it’s dirty.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Clothing

Curve: The loveliest distance between two points.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Appearance Body

I speak two languages, Body and English.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Body Communication Language

I want to get a tattoo of myself on my entire body, only 2" taller.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Body

How do I know what you said? Damn you and your noise-cancelling breasts.

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician
Appearance TV/Movie Quotes

You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little potbelly and a bald spot.

(1952 – ) comedian
Appearance Body Men People Women

I refuse to think of them as chin hairs; I think of them as stray eyebrows.

Appearance

She would be like Richard Wagner if only she looked a bit more feminine.

(1892-1969) English poet & writer
Appearance Insults

He was a solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Appearance Insults

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Body

Sweater: Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Appearance Clothing Definitions