Subject: Appearance (Page 44)

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Age Appearance Body Fat

Muscles come and go; flab lasts.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor
Appearance Body Fat

Living up to ideals is like doing everyday work with your Sunday clothes on.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Appearance Clothing Life Work

He looks like the hindquarters of bad luck.

Appearance Expressions

Now, it’s true I married my wife for her looks… but not the ones she's been givin’ me lately.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Body Marriage Wives

I once walked in on my grandparents making love… and that’s why I don’t eat raisins.

(1969 – ) comedian & actor
Appearance Sex Situations

I washed my edible underwear and now they're gone.


Appearance Clothing

Alfred Hitchcock: One look at you and I know there's famine in the land.

Shaw’s reply: One look at you, Mr. Hitchcock, and I know who caused it.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Appearance Body Fat Insults

It's easy to distract fat people; it's a piece of cake.

(1972 – ) English standup comedian, writer & actor
Appearance Body Fat Food/Drink

My girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron… and a lot like Dog the Bounty Hunter.

(1969 – ) comedian & actor
Appearance Girlfriends People

His head is so big… he has to step into his shirts.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.

Clothing Military Murphy’s Laws

Crying is the refuge of plain women, but the ruin of pretty ones.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Appearance People Women

She looks better goin than comin!

Appearance Body Expressions Ugly

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair; but a confident bald man… there's your diamond in the rough.

(1947 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & television producer
Appearance

Silicone Treatment: The bust that money can buy.

Appearance Body Definitions

There's so much Botox around now that you can't tell when a Jewish girl is angry!

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Appearance

A wino asked me for change… I gave him my shirt.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Clothing Money

When I answer the door the kids hand ME candy.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Self Situations Ugly

You can put lipstick and earrings on a hog and call it Monique, but it's still a pig.

(1933 – 2006) politician
Appearance Situations

He is so fat… he had his own area code.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat