Subject: Appearance (Page 46)

White pants should be worn on two occasions: One, never, and two, if you’re selling ice cream.

(1959 – ) American actor, stand-up comedian & television host
Appearance Clothing

I just lost 10 pounds on a new diet called ‘the flu.’

(1970 – ) American actor, producer & stand up comedian
Appearance Body Health

I don’t want to lose weight; my tongue and my taste buds are the only friends I got.

American stand-up comedian
Appearance Body Fat Friends People Young

The coffee has burned my face! I'm going to be distorted!

Appearance Malaprops

He is so ugly… his doctor is a vet.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look… twins!"

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Doctors

I've seen a topless lady ventriloquist… nobody has ever seen her lips move!

(1927 – 2018) British comedian, singer & songwriter
Appearance Body Entertainment

Living up to ideals is like doing everyday work with your Sunday clothes on.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Appearance Clothing Life Work

He is so fat… he can't even jump to a conclusion.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Clothing Sex Wives

Looking fifty is great – if you’re sixty.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age Appearance

Armor: The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Clothing Communication Definitions Language

His nose is so big… he has to lift it to eat.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

This shirt is “dry-clean only”… which means it’s dirty.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Clothing

If God had intended us to go around naked, He would have made us that way.

Appearance Beliefs Clothing God

This is day 14 of my head held hostage by this god awful haircut.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance

He is so fat… he's on both sides of the family.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

The older you get, the higher your underwear – get like rings on a tree; you're 80-90 years old – your breasts are inside them.

stand-up comedian, actor, writer & producer
Age Appearance Body Clothing Old

Dramatic art in her opinion is knowing how to fill a sweater.

(1908 – 1989) American actress of film, television & theater
Appearance Insults

Dirty blonde … I made myself platinum, but I was born a dirty blonde.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Appearance Body Success

I didn't discover curves; I only uncovered them.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Appearance Body