Subject: Appearance (Page 46)

My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese… as if she doesn’t have enough on her plate.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Appearance Body Fat

In feathered hats that were once the rage, she resembles a petrified parakeet from the Jurassic age; a royal wreck.

Richard Blackwell (1922 – 2008) fashion critic, journalist, & designer
Appearance Insults

She was a brunette by birth, but a blonde by habit.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Appearance Characteristics

There were times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.

(1900 – 1967) American film actor
Clothing Money Poverty

If you want to find guys with small penises, go to the Hummer dealership.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
Appearance Body

There's one thing about baldness; it's neat.

(1889 – 1966) American humorist, writer, illustrator & cartoonist
Appearance Body

My girlfriend told me I had the body of a Greek god and I said you don’t know sh*t about Greek mythology.

(1976 – ) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Body

An income tax form is like a laundry list – either way you lose your shirt.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Clothing Government Taxes

I have a doctor's appointment on Monday; I'm not even sick – it's just that I've been working out, and I want someone to see me naked.

American comedian
Appearance Body Fat

Brian London possesses the most unbeautiful face – it looks as if it, at one time, fell apart and was reassembled by a drunken mechanic.

English broadcaster, journalist & author
Appearance Boxing Sports

You don’t look so hot yourself.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Appearance Yogi-isms

It is totally impossible to be well dressed in cheap shoes.

(1909 – 2003) English fashion designer
Appearance Clothing

If I weren’t earning $3 million a year to dunk a basketball, most people in the street would run in the other direction if they saw me coming.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Appearance Body Fear

Went to the beach today; I could feel the women just dressing me with their eyes.

television writer, producer & director
Appearance Body Situations

You don't get a body like this overnight… it takes years of neglect.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Body

If your body is 90 per cent water why have you got to drink water all the time? Why can’t you just have some crisps?

(1975 – ) English comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Body

I never put on a pair of shoes until I’ve worn them at least five years.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Appearance Clothing Misspokements Time

Nancy Reagan fell down and broke her hair.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Appearance Hair

I had a girlfriend that was so fat she had her own postal code.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Fat Girlfriends People Women

I was not a particularly small child; I was the one who always got picked to play Bethlehem in the school play.

(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian
Age Appearance Fat Self

Diana Rigg is built like a brick mausoleum with insufficient flying buttresses.

(1925 – ) American author and literary, theater & film critic
Appearance Body