Subject: Appearance (Page 48)

I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb… and I also know that I’m not blonde.

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & actress
Appearance Characteristics Intelligence

This girl was ugly. They used her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Ugly

Short girls who take all the tall guys.

American professional tennis player
Appearance Body Sports

We know Jesus can’t have been English; he is always wearing sandals, but never with socks.

(1958 – 2006) English radio performer, stand-up comic & writer
Appearance England Places

Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Fat Insults

She has breasts of granite and a mind like a Gruyere cheese.

(1906 – 2002) Austrian journalist, filmmaker, screenwriter & producer
Appearance Body Insults Mind

I bought a new pair of pajamas with pockets, which is great, cause now i don’t have to hold things when I sleep.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Clothing Situations Sleep Things

Sarong: A simple garment carrying the implicit promise that it will not long stay in place.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

I have little feet because nothing grows in the shade.

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & actress
Appearance Body

The life expectancy of a house plant varies inversely with its price and directly with its ugliness.

Appearance Murphy’s Laws Ugly

She got her good looks from her father, he’s a plastic surgeon.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Appearance Doctors Family Fathers Health

A college jock is someone who minds his build instead of vice versa!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Appearance Body People

Phyllis Diller’s had so many facelifts, there’s nothing left in her shoes.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Appearance Body

Women’s styles may change, but their designs remain the same.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Appearance Clothing People Women

She was a large woman who seemed not so much dressed as upholstered.

(1860 – 1937) Scottish author, dramatist (creator of Peter Pan)
Appearance Body Clothing Insults

The only really firm rule of taste about cross dressing is that neither sex should ever wear anything they haven’t yet figured out how to go to the bathroom in.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Appearance Clothing

My girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron… and a lot like Dog the Bounty Hunter.

(1969 – ) comedian & actor
Appearance Girlfriends People

It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.

(1943 – ) English rock singer
Activities Appearance Body Fat Self

My school colors were clear; we used to say, “I’m not naked, I’m in the band.”

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Body Clothing

Clothes make the man; naked people have little or no influence on society.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Appearance Clothing

Her only flair is in her nostrils.

(1919 – 2001) American film critic
Appearance Reviews/Criticism