Subject: Appearance (Page 49)

He had one eye, and the popular prejudice runs in favor of two.

(1812 – 1870) English novelist
Appearance Body

Does a fat boy like cake.

Appearance Body Expressions Fat

Optimist: A middle-aged man who believes that the cleaners have been shrinking the waistband of his pants.

Body Characteristics Definitions People

Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Appearance Body Intelligence Men People Stupidity

I love the idea of there being two sexes, don't you?

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Appearance Body Science/Weather

She is so fat… when she sits around the house, she sits around the house.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

In feathered hats that were once the rage, she resembles a petrified parakeet from the Jurassic age; a royal wreck.

Richard Blackwell (1922 – 2008) fashion critic, journalist, & designer
Appearance Insults

He now looks like a Barbie doll that has been whittled at by a malicious brother.

(1943 – ) English opera critic, author & journalist
Appearance Insults

All babies look like Renee Zellweger pushed against a glass window.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance

I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb… and I also know that I’m not blonde.

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & actress
Appearance Characteristics Intelligence

Were a fly to attempt to cross it, it would break its leg.

(1902 – 1986) British biographer, historian & academic
Appearance

She looked at me like a cow looking at a new gate.

Appearance Characteristics Expressions Intelligence

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders… I hate necks.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Body Communication People Women Wordplay

Girdle: The difference between fact and figure.

Appearance Body Clothing Definitions

I love that black dress; that neckline is plunging faster than Aretha Franklin’s head into a bucket of fried chicken.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Fat Insults

I get all my hair products at PetCo.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Appearance Hair

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee; unfortunately, she was just coming home.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Clothing Sex Wives

I wouldn’t change anything but I could do with sharing my bottom and thighs with at least two other people.

(1949 – ) British media personality & author
Appearance Body

He has so many fish hooks in his nose, he looks like a piece of bait.

(1952 – ) American sportscaster
Appearance Insults

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Appearance People

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

Appearance Clothing