Subject: Appearance (Page 5)

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Appearance Family Mothers Ugly

Esther, warn me before you come in so I have a chance to cover all of the mirrors!.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian
Appearance Insults

She was so tall if she fell down she would be halfway home.

Appearance Body Expressions

The bigger they are, the harder it is to see your shoes.

Appearance Body Murphy’s Laws

My girlfriend told me I had the body of a Greek god and I said you don’t know sh*t about Greek mythology.

(1976 – ) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Body

The more underdeveloped the country, the more overdeveloped the women.

Appearance Body Murphy’s Laws Places Women World

It’s a great shock at the age of five or six to find that in a world of Gary Coopers you are the Indian.

(1924 – 1987) American novelist, writer, playwright, poet & civil rights activist
Appearance People

Necktie: A decorative noose worn by businessmen.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Clothing Definitions

Fashion: Something that goes out of style as soon as most people have one.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Rando: Nice wig, Janice. What’s it made of?
Janis: Your mom’s chest hair!

(1982 – ) American actress & model
Appearance Hair TV/Movie Quotes

He is so short… he poses for trophies.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

She looks like she combs her hair with an eggbeater.

(1881 – 1972) American gossip columnist
Appearance Insults

I'm not against half-naked girls – not as often as I'd like to be.

(1924 – 1992) English comedian & actor
Appearance Body Clothing Situations

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
Body Mothers Science/Weather

Falsies: A helpful aid to any girl in acquiring a disappointed husband.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

She is so fat… she broke the family tree.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

If it says “one size fits all,” it doesn’t fit anyone.

Clothing Murphy’s Laws

My wife is Hawaiian; well… no she’s not, but she’s shaped like a pineapple.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Body Wives

She had a face lift, tummy lift, and buttock lift, and now she's two feet off the ground.

comedian
Appearance Body

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Appearance Body

How attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.

Appearance Dating Murphy’s Laws People Relationships