Subject: Appearance (Page 50)

He is so ugly… when he throws a boomerang it won’t come back.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

I get all my hair products at PetCo.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Appearance Hair

It is only the shallow people who do not judge by appearance.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Appearance People

He is so ugly… robbers give him their masks to wear.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

He is so fat… when he steps on a scale, it reads "one at a time, please."

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

He is so fat… his high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Wearing a turtleneck is like getting strangled by a really weak guy all day.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Clothing People

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Appearance Body

I kept thinking, if his face was that wrinkled, what did his balls look like?

(1937 – ) English painter, printmaker, stage designer & photographer
Appearance

Ugly as a moose chewin ice

Appearance Expressions Ugly

I like what mechanics wear… overall.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Clothing Communication Language

A wino asked me for change… I gave him my shirt.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Clothing Money

I've seen a topless lady ventriloquist… nobody has ever seen her lips move!

(1927 – 2018) British comedian, singer & songwriter
Appearance Body Entertainment

He looks like King Edward – the potato, not the monarch.

British satirist, comedian, writer, broadcaster and editor
Appearance Insults

When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance Body Self Ugly

The best accessory a girl can have is her best friend.

(1981 – ) heiress, socialite, media personality & model
Appearance Friends Travel

I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb… and I also know that I’m not blonde.

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & actress
Appearance Characteristics Intelligence

I recently had my annual physical examination, which I get once every seven years, and when the nurse weighed me, I was shocked to discover how much stronger the Earth's gravitational pull has become since 1990.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Appearance Body Fat Health

The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Appearance Body Fat People Women

Wrinkles are hereditary; parents get them from their children.

(1924 – ) American actress & singer
Appearance Children Family Parents

A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Body Situations