Subject: Appearance (Page 51)

The trouble with nude dancing is that not everything stops when the music stops.

(1909 – 1986) Australian dancer, actor, theater director & choreographer
Body Dance Entertainment

Claire: Your hair looks good, the curls work. Why don’t you get a perm?
Rose Morgan: I tried that once, I looked like Shirley Temple on crack.

(1942 – ) American singer-songwriter, actress, writer, film producer & director
Appearance Hair TV/Movie Quotes

I stopped buying women’s magazines; the only time I ever see someone who looks like me is under the word ‘Before’.

(1975 – ) English comedian
Appearance Self

If I look confused it is because I am thinking.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Appearance Intelligence Misspokements Speech Thinking

I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others; he gave me one with four cavities.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Health

I was born with an adult head and a tiny body… like a Peanuts character.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Appearance Body People Self

A dress has no purpose unless it makes a man want to take it off.

(1935 – 2004) French playwright, novelist & screenwriter
Appearance Clothing

I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body

It's interesting to speculate how it developed that in two of the most anti-feminist institutions, the church and the law court, the men are wearing the dresses.

(1916 – 2000) American lawyer & activist
Appearance Clothing Law Religion Women

The maitre d’hotel of a smart hotel: I am sorry, sir, but you have no necktie.
Groucho: That’s all right, don’t be sorry. I remember the time I had no pants.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Appearance Clothing

He had better get married soon, because he's getting uglier every day!

Canadian hockey player
Appearance Hockey Sports Ugly

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.

Muppet character (Frank Oz)
Appearance TV/Movie Quotes

Why does everything you wear look like it’s bearing a grudge, darling?

(1958 – ) English comedian, screenwriter & actress
Appearance Clothing TV/Movie Quotes

She resembles the Venus de Milo: she is very old, has no teeth, and has white spots on her yellow skin.

(1797 – 1856) German critic & poet
Appearance Insults

He looked like a half-melted rubber bulldog.

(1925 – ) American author and literary, theater & film critic
Appearance Insults

Skeleton: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

Body Definitions

He was so ugly… he hurt my feelings.

(1894 – 1975) American comedian
Appearance Body Ugly

There were many times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.

(1667 – 1745) Irish satirist & essayist
Appearance Clothing Money Poverty

That baby is ugly…I’ve never seen a 6-month-old so desperately in need of waxing.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Insults

Aunt Esther: Who you calling ugly, sucker?

Fred: I’m calling you ugly, I could push our face in some dough and make gorilla cookies.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian
Appearance TV/Movie Quotes Ugly

… an old man who dresses like a Hooter’s waitress.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Clothing Hair Insults