Subject: Appearance (Page 52)

If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Appearance

You’re welcome to take a bath; you look like the second week of the garbage strike.

(1927 – 2018) playwright & screenwriter
Appearance

A lady is one who never shows her underwear… unintentionally.

(1893 – 1991) novelist, biographer & playwright
Appearance Characteristics Clothing

I was dating this girl once for a few weeks, and the first time she saw my penis, she said, 'Is everything a joke with you?'

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor, director & author
Appearance Body Dating Relationships

Damn your nose, madam… there’s no end to it!

(1727 – 1788) English painter
Appearance Body Insults

Brian London possesses the most unbeautiful face – it looks as if it, at one time, fell apart and was reassembled by a drunken mechanic.

English broadcaster, journalist & author
Appearance Boxing Sports

I wouldn’t change anything but I could do with sharing my bottom and thighs with at least two other people.

(1949 – ) British media personality & author
Appearance Body

Bikini: Baiting Suit.

Clothing Definitions

If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important rule of beauty, which is: who cares?

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
Appearance

Militant feminists, I take my hat off to them, they don’t like that.

(1964 – ) English comedian
Appearance Clothing People Women

I was so ugly, my mother breast fed me through a straw.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Hair Self

He had one eye, and the popular prejudice runs in favor of two.

(1812 – 1870) English novelist
Appearance Body

It's like I disprove evolution and intelligent design at once.

(1978 – ) American comic writer
Appearance Body People Science/Weather Self

You don’t look so hot yourself.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Appearance Yogi-isms

He is so ugly… he has to sneak up on his mirror.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

That woman's had her face lifted so many times that whenever she raises her eyebrows she pulls up her stockings.

Appearance Body

She is so fat… her favorite meal is seconds.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

I hate the beach. I hate the sun. I’m pale and I’m redheaded. I don't tan – I stroke!

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Appearance Body TV/Movie Quotes

She could eat an apple through a picket fence.

Appearance Expressions

I was born with an adult head and a tiny body… like a Peanuts character.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Appearance Body People Self

I can’t wear yellow anymore; it’s too matchy-matchy with my catheter.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Self