Subject: Appearance (Page 53)

Nancy Reagan fell down and broke her hair.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Appearance Hair

The robe is a lazy man's tuxedo.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Clothing

As soon as they get married, they all get these big old guts on them; that's not from drinking beer – that's from swallowing pride.

stand-up comedian
Alcohol Body Fat Husbands Marriage Men People

Receiving oral sex from an ugly person is like rock climbing; you should never look down.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Sex Ugly

My photographs don't do me justice… they just look like me.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance

I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Age Fat Golf Sports

The scrotum – a design fault, excess elbow skin put in between mens legs to keep their balls so they don't have to hold them in their hand… although it didn't work!

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
Appearance Body

John Conteh has a neck like a stately home staircase.

English boxer
Appearance Body Boxing Sports

(He’s) is wearing his hair differently this year, short and with curls like Randy Jones wears… I think you call it a Frisbee.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Appearance Hair Misspokements

The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are ‘age appropriate’ … for me that would be a shroud.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age Appearance Clothing

It's interesting to speculate how it developed that in two of the most anti-feminist institutions, the church and the law court, the men are wearing the dresses.

(1916 – 2000) American lawyer & activist
Appearance Clothing Law Religion Women

She resembles the Venus de Milo: she is very old, has no teeth, and has white spots on her yellow skin.

(1797 – 1856) German critic & poet
Appearance Insults

After all the nice things I’ve said about that hag! … when I get hold of her I’ll tear out every hair of her mustache!

(1903 – 1968) movie actress
Appearance Insults

I don’t think George Clooney has a bathroom mirror, just a note taped to the wall that says “Don’t worry about it.”

comedian
Appearance Body People

Probably the worst thing you can hear when you’re wearing a bikini is “Good for you!”


Appearance Body Clothing

She’s so hairy – when she lifted up her arm I thought it was Tina Turner in her armpit.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body Hair Insults

There is nothing so unbecoming on the beach as a wet kilt.

Appearance Clothing

Damn your nose, madam… there’s no end to it!

(1727 – 1788) English painter
Appearance Body Insults

Why don't you come up and see me sometime, when I got nothing on but the radio?

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Clothing Dating Relationships

I’m actually pale blue: it takes me a week of sunbathing to turn white.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
Appearance Body

I was so ugly that my parents sent my picture to Ripley’s Believe It or Not: they sent it back and said, “We don’t believe it.”

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body Ugly