Subject: Beliefs » God

In the first place God made idiots; that was for practice; then he made school boards.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Education Fools God Insults Intelligence

A thick skin is a gift from God.

(1876 – 1967) German statesman
Characteristics God

The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind – a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs God Places

If God wanted me to bend over, he’d have put diamonds on the floor.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Activities God

There are no atheists in foxholes.

(1828-1882) English poet, illustrator, painter & translator
Beliefs God

Fruit… it's just God showing off… “Look at all the colors I know!”

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Beliefs God

I read the Book of Job last night; I don’t think God comes out of it well.

(1882 – 1941) English writer
Beliefs God

Why's God always got such wacky shit to say?… when's the last time you heard somebody say, 'God told me to get a muffin and a cup of tea and cool out, man.'

American comedian & actor
Beliefs Communication God Speech

An atheist is one who hopes the Lord will do nothing to disturb his disbelief.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Beliefs God

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs God

Church: Man’s effort to keep a roof over God’s head.

Beliefs Definitions God

If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Beliefs Children God Religion

If I’m on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast… if God wants to play through, let him.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
God Golf Sports

How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs Body God Things

Good God, how much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth-decay in His divine system of creation?

(1923 – 1999) American satirical novelist, short story writer & playwright
Beliefs God Health

Gray hair is God's graffiti.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Appearance Communication God Reading/Writing

I wish God were alive to see this.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
God TV/Movie Quotes

I take him shopping with me… I say, 'OK, Jesus, help me find a bargain.'

(1942 – 2007) American televangelist (was married to Jim Bakker)
Activities Beliefs God Shopping

If God wanted us to believe in him, he’d exist.

(1958 – 2006) English radio performer, stand-up comic & writer
Beliefs God

Go back to what our founders and our founding documents meant – they’re quite clear –- that we would create law based on the God of the Bible and the Ten Commandments.

(1964 – ) U.S. governor (Alaska) commentator & author
Beliefs God Government Misspokements Stupidity

God will pardon me… it is His trade.

(1797 – 1856) German critic & poet
Beliefs God