Subject: Beliefs » God

God will pardon me… it is His trade.

(1797 – 1856) German critic & poet
Beliefs God

I take him shopping with me… I say, 'OK, Jesus, help me find a bargain.'

(1942 – 2007) American televangelist (was married to Jim Bakker)
Activities Beliefs God Shopping

If we were truly created by God, then why do we still occasionally bite the insides of our own mouths?

(1972 – ) Irish comedian & television presenter
Beliefs God Self

Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?

(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer
Beliefs Communication God Health Speech

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs God

God is silent; now if only man would shut up.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs God People

It is the final proof of God’s omnipotence that he need not exist in order to save us.

(1910 – 1993) editor & novelist
Beliefs God

God was left out of the Constitution but was furnished a front seat on the coins of the country.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs God

Why should I talk to you?… I've just been talking to your boss.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Beliefs Communication Death God

I used to get bummed out when it rained; then I realized that it's God's way of washing off hippies.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Beliefs God People

Don’t they realize that if God took sports seriously he never would have created George Steinbrenner.

(1932 – ) American political satirist & comedian
God Sports

An atheist is one who hopes the Lord will do nothing to disturb his disbelief.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Beliefs God

An apology for the devil: it must be remembered that we have heard only one side of the case; God has written all the books.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist
Beliefs Books God

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Beliefs God Religion

God writes a lot of comedy… the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.

(1942 – ) humorist & radio broadcaster
Emotions Entertainment God

God enters into each individual by a private door… and sometimes that can prove to be quite painful.

(1933 – ) American disc jockey & television host
Beliefs God

I know I’m God because when I pray to him I find I’m talking to myself.

(1931 – 2004) English playwright & screenwriter
Beliefs God People Self

It is impossible to believe that the same God who permitted His own son to die a bachelor regards celibacy as an actual sin.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs God Religion Sex

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Activities Drugs God People

God wisely designed the human body so that we can neither pat our own backs nor kick ourselves too easily.

Beliefs God People Self

God don't make no mistakes… that's how He got to be God.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Beliefs God Mistakes