Subject: Beliefs » God (Page 3)

God is good, but never dance in a small boat.

Dance God Proverbs Things

Every day, people are straying away from the Church and going back to God.

(1923 – 1966) stand-up comedian, writer, social critic & satirist
Beliefs God Religion

I know God will not give me anything I can't handle; I just wish that He didn't trust me so much."

(1910 – 1997) Albanian–born Indian Roman Catholic nun
Beliefs God

Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?

(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer
Beliefs Communication God Health Speech

I know I’m God because when I pray to him I find I’m talking to myself.

(1931 – 2004) English playwright & screenwriter
Beliefs God People Self

May God defend me from my friends; I can defend myself from my enemies.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist
Friends God Old People

The stopwatch has stopped. It's up to God and the referee now. The referee is Pat Horan. God is God.

Irish Gaelic games commentator
God Sports

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Activities Drugs God People

The missionaries go forth to Christianize the savages – as if the savages weren't dangerous enough already.

(1927 – 1989) author, essayist & environmentalist
Beliefs God Opinion Religion

I wish God were alive to see this.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
God TV/Movie Quotes

Why's God always got such wacky shit to say?… when's the last time you heard somebody say, 'God told me to get a muffin and a cup of tea and cool out, man.'

American comedian & actor
Beliefs Communication God Speech

God will pardon me… it is His trade.

(1797 – 1856) German critic & poet
Beliefs God

God writes a lot of comedy… the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.

(1942 – ) humorist & radio broadcaster
Emotions Entertainment God

It is impossible to believe that the same God who permitted His own son to die a bachelor regards celibacy as an actual sin.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs God Religion Sex

Agnostic: A person who says that he knows nothing about God and, when you agree with him, he becomes angry.

Beliefs Definitions God

In the first place God made idiots; that was for practice; then he made school boards.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Education Fools God Insults Intelligence

If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Beliefs Children God Religion

And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on Me; and let there be lawyers so people don't blame everything on Satan.’

Canadian comedian & author
Beliefs God Lawyers

If God wanted me to bend over, he’d have put diamonds on the floor.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Activities God

Fruit… it's just God showing off… “Look at all the colors I know!”

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Beliefs God

If God had intended us to go around naked, He would have made us that way.

Appearance Beliefs Clothing God