Subject: Beliefs » God (Page 6)

GOD Talks 2 U? There Is Medication For That.

I hear [soccer player] Glenn Hoddle has found God; that must have been one hell of a pass.

(Robert Norman Davis) (1945 – ) British comedian & actor

When you come to Heritage USA, remember to bring your Bible and your VISA card—because the Bible is the Holy Truth, and God doesn't take American Express.

(1939 – ) American televangelist

I used to get bummed out when it rained; then I realized that it's God's way of washing off hippies.

(1973 – ) American comedian

Helping the Retarded To Know God

There are no atheists in foxholes.

(1828-1882) English poet, illustrator, painter & translator

Cocaine is God's way of saying that you're making too much money.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' – probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind – a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

God wisely designed the human body so that we can neither pat our own backs nor kick ourselves too easily.

If God wanted women to understand men, football would never have been created.

novelist, screenwriter & businessman

The missionaries go forth to Christianize the savages – as if the savages weren't dangerous enough already.

(1927 – 1989) author, essayist & environmentalist

The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways; but he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.

(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)

Why should I talk to you?… I've just been talking to your boss.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter

God heals and the doctor takes the fee.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

Don't get me wrong, I believe in God; I just don't trust anybody who works for him.

television executive & comedian

Agnostic: A person who says that he knows nothing about God and, when you agree with him, he becomes angry.

I think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike; then I realised that The Lord doesn’t work that way… so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.

(1973 – ) English comedian, writer, actor, director & producer

Saying that you don’t believe in magic but do believe in God is a bit like saying you don’t have sex with dogs, except Labradors.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor

Man makes plans . . . and God laughs.

(1963 – ) American writer