Subject: Beliefs » God (Page 6)

Every day, people are straying away from the Church and going back to God.

(1923 – 1966) stand-up comedian, writer, social critic & satirist
Beliefs God Religion

As long as we are lucky we attribute it to our smartness; our bad luck we give the gods credit for.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
God Intelligence Wisdom

If you call on God to improve the results of a shot while it is still in motion, you are using “an outside agency” and subject to appropriate penalties under the rules of golf.

British golf writer & commentator
God Golf Sports

Helping the Retarded To Know God

,
Beliefs Book Titles God

Why's God always got such wacky shit to say?… when's the last time you heard somebody say, 'God told me to get a muffin and a cup of tea and cool out, man.'

American comedian & actor
Beliefs Communication God Speech

God is good, but never dance in a small boat.

Dance God Proverbs Things

May God defend me from my friends; I can defend myself from my enemies.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist
Friends God Old People

The pug is living proof that God has a sense of humor.

(1954 – 2000) humorist, writer & radio commentator
Animals Beliefs Dogs God

The only thing wrong with being an atheist is that there's nobody to talk to during an orgasm.

Beliefs God Sex

I take him shopping with me… I say, 'OK, Jesus, help me find a bargain.'

(1942 – 2007) American televangelist (was married to Jim Bakker)
Activities Beliefs God Shopping

I hear [soccer player] Glenn Hoddle has found God; that must have been one hell of a pass.

(Robert Norman Davis) (1945 – ) British comedian & actor
Beliefs God

If God wanted me to bend over, he’d have put diamonds on the floor.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Activities God

It only rains straight down… God doesn't do windows.


God

The only thing God didn't do to Job was give him a computer.

(1907 – 1989) American writer
Beliefs Computers God Things

A skeptic is a person who would ask God for his ID card.


Characteristics God

If only God would give me some clear sign! … like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs God Money Situations

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Beliefs God Religion

Man is Creation’s masterpiece; but who says so?

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher
Beliefs God

I’m an Atheist… thank God.

(1936 – 2005) Irish comedian
Beliefs God Religion Wordplay

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Alcohol Beer Emotions Food/Drink God Happiness

Man makes plans . . . and God laughs.

(1963 – ) American writer
Beliefs God