Subject: Beliefs (Page 10)

Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Characteristics Honesty

Scriptures: The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure he is one of God's children, but that as soon as he succeeds he is taken over by the Devil.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs Failure God Success

May God defend me from my friends; I can defend myself from my enemies.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist
Friends God Old People

We have a whole religion based on a woman who really stuck to her story.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Beliefs Religion

A man's got to believe in something… and I believe I'll have another drink.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Beliefs Food/Drink Individuals

What’s a cult…it just means not enough people to make a minority.

(1925 – 2006) American film director, screenwriter & producer
Beliefs People

If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Beliefs Characteristics Opinion

You can always tell when a man’s well-informed… his views are pretty much like yours.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Beliefs Intelligence

I'm looking for loopholes.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Beliefs Reading/Writing Religion

Defame: To lie about another. To tell the truth about another.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Lies Truth

A conservative is one who is opposed to the things he is in favor of.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher
Beliefs

An alibi is a reason with a bad reputation.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Characteristics Honesty

How many people died from the Kama Sutra, as opposed to the Bible?

(1940 – 1993) composer, guitarist, record producer & film director
Beliefs Death

Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society.

(1951 – ) American conservative radio talk-show host
Beliefs Stupidity

1. The information you have is not what you want. 2. The information you want is not what you need. 3. The information you need is not what you can obtain. 4. The information you can obtain costs more than you want to pay.

Beliefs Facts Murphy’s Laws

The world is moving so fast these days that the man who says it can't be done is generally interrupted by someone doing it.

(1878 – 1969) clergyman
Activities Beliefs Opinion Time

Nature will tell you a direct lie if she can.

Lies Murphy’s Laws

He couldn't ad-lib a fart after a baked-bean dinner.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Beliefs Entertainment Insults Opinion People

I was working on a flat tax proposal and accidentally proved there was no God.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Beliefs God TV/Movie Quotes

Among the many remedies that won’t cure a cold, the most common is advice.

Beliefs Health