Subject: Beliefs (Page 15)

If you treat people right they will treat you right… ninety percent of the time.

(1882 – 1945) 32nd U.S. president
Characteristics Honesty People

Since my daughter is only half-Jewish, could she go in the water up to her knees?

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Beliefs

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Food/Drink Opinion

The only thing God didn't do to Job was give him a computer.

(1907 – 1989) American writer
Beliefs Computers God Things

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' – probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
God

It is a secret in the Oxford sense; you may tell it to only one person at a time.

(1905 – 1992) English civil servant & philosopher
Beliefs

It is common sense to take a method and try it… if it fails, admit it frankly and try another; but above all, try something.

(1882 – 1945) 32nd U.S. president
Beliefs Success

If God had intended us to go around naked, He would have made us that way.

Appearance Beliefs Clothing God

It is exactly because a man cannot do a thing that he is the proper judge of it.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Beliefs Opinion

Just saw an Orthodox Jewish kid do three pull-ups… shattering the previous record.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Beliefs Religion

Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average drivers.

Beliefs Driving Murphy’s Laws Opinion People

Though I am not naturally honest, I am so sometimes by chance.

(1564 – 1616) English dramatist & poet
Characteristics Honesty

What do you call an honest Iranian businessman? … Asif.

(1965 – ) British-Iranian comedian, actor & writer
Beliefs Honesty People Places

The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind – a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs God Places

It is important to our friends to believe that we are unreservedly frank with them, and important to friendship that we are not.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
Characteristics Friends Honesty People

Never criticize Americans… they have the best taste that money can buy.

(1941 – 2008) British journalist, musician &broadcaster
America Characteristics Money Opinion People Places

The biggest liar in the world is the golfer who claims that he plays the game merely for exercise.

(1916 – 2008) American professional golfer
Beliefs Golf Honesty Lies Sports

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

Activities Autos Beliefs Problems Proverbs Travel

Good God, how much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth-decay in His divine system of creation?

(1923 – 1999) American satirical novelist, short story writer & playwright
Beliefs God Health

I like the Ten Commandments, but there’s a problem with the ninth one; it should be: ‘Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s ox – except in Scrabble."

(1975 – ) Irish comedian, author, musician, actor & playwright
Beliefs Religion

A conservative is a man who sits and thinks… mostly sits.

(1856 – 1924) 28th U.S. president & politician
Beliefs Intelligence