Subject: Beliefs (Page 17)

I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.

(1932 – 2017) comedian, social activist, critic & writer
Beliefs Places

It only rains straight down… God doesn't do windows.


God

Nun: A creature of habit.

Definitions Religion

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them… well, I have others.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Beliefs

I can prove anything with statistics except the truth.

(1770 – 1827) British statesman, politician & prime minister
Beliefs Honesty Truth

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.

(1911 – 1989) television actress
Age Characteristics Honesty Lies Old Young

The only thing wrong with being an atheist is that there's nobody to talk to during an orgasm.

Beliefs Religion Sex

I’m Catholic in the same way, that if a cow was born in a tree, it’s a bird!

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs Religion

A fanatic is one who sticks to his guns whether they're loaded or not.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Arms Beliefs Opinion Things

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to the garage makes you a car.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist
Autos Beliefs Religion Things

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Beliefs Mistakes Murphy’s Laws Proverbs

A conservative is one who admires radicals centuries after they're dead.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist
Beliefs Government Politics

I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Characteristics Communication Reading/Writing Truth

In the beginning, there was nothing. And God said, 'Let there be Light.' And there was still nothing, but you could see it a bit better.

Beliefs God Situations

I have opinions of my own – strong opinions – but I don’t always agree with them.

(1924 – 2018) 41st U.S. president
Communication Misspokements Opinion Speech

Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Age Beliefs Honesty Lies

A church steeple with a lightning rod on top shows a lack of confidence.

(1959 – ) Australian writer & television producer
Beliefs Things

It’s easier to fool people than to convince them they’ve been fooled.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Honesty

I don’t believe in sceptics.

British writer, actor, comic & television & radio presenter
Beliefs People

Isn't it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun?

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Beliefs Golf Honesty Lies Sports

The difference between a saint and a hypocrite is that one lies for his religion, the other by it.

(1861 – 1950) American writer
Beliefs Religion