Subject: Beliefs (Page 19)

Satan: The scarecrow in the religious cornfield.

Beliefs Definitions Religion

I guess the biggest issue my husband and I are going to have is how do we raise the baby… because he’s Jewish and I’m Protestant and the baby’s father is Catholic.

Canadian-American comedian & writer
Beliefs Children Family Fathers Marriage Religion

I am not one of those who in expressing opinions confine themselves to facts.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Characteristics Honesty Opinion Truth

If Columbus had had an advisory committee he would probably still be at the dock.

(1908 – 1990) American statesman, jurist & attorney
Beliefs Opinion People

I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Religion Situations

I have a bit of advice for hungry young comedians – eat something.

(1921 – 1984) British comedian & magician
Beliefs Opinion

People everywhere confuse what they read in newspapers with news.

(1904 – 1963) American journalist
Beliefs Communication Facts Reading/Writing

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Beliefs Music Religion

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
Beliefs Characteristics Religion

A liberal is man who will give away everything he doesn’t own.

(1902 – 1963) Danish actor
Beliefs

Tact: To lie about others as you would have them lie about you.

(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator
Beliefs Honesty Lies

My dad was old school Jewish… not do your taxes Jewish – steal your car Jewish.

American comedian & actor
Beliefs Religion

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.

(1894 – 1963) English writer
Beliefs Facts

The time to pray is not when we are in a tight spot but just as soon as we get out of it.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Beliefs Situations

Advice: the smallest current coin.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Opinion

Scriptures: The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

The Catholics have an interesting view of sex; it is disgusting, amoral and filthy and you should save it for one you love.

(1957 – ) American actor, comedian & filmmaker
Beliefs Religion Sex

It is common sense to take a method and try it… if it fails, admit it frankly and try another; but above all, try something.

(1882 – 1945) 32nd U.S. president
Beliefs Success

Few things are more irritating than when someone who is wrong is also very effective in making his point.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Communication Opinion

A bunch of money-grubbin', greenhouse-gassing, seal-clubbing, oil-drilling, Bible-thumping, missile-firing, right-to-life-ing, lethal-injecting hypocrites, whose idea of a good time is strapping a dead panda to a Lincoln Navigator and running over everybody in the gay parade.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs Government People Politics

That's still how Irish people are seen, as twinkly-eyed f**kers with a pig under their arm, high-stepping it around the world, going 'I'll paint your house now, but watch out, I might steal the ladder later, ohohoho!' – which is only half true!

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Beliefs Places