Subject: Beliefs (Page 22)

Facts are stubborn things.

(1721 – 1771) Scottish poet & author
Beliefs Facts

Facts without theory are trivia. Theory without facts is bullshit.

Beliefs Facts

Georgie believed in democracy, and he felt that everybody had a right to an opinion… his.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Democracy Government Opinion

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on Saturday and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on Saturday.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs Religion

The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they’re ignorant; it’s just that they know so much that isn’t so.

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor
Beliefs Government Politics

Isn't an agnostic just an atheist without balls?

(1964 – ) comedian, political satirist, writer & television host
Beliefs Characteristics Religion

Don’t they realize that if God took sports seriously he never would have created George Steinbrenner.

(1932 – ) American political satirist & comedian
God Sports

The difference between God and the historians consists above all in the fact that God cannot alter the past.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist
Beliefs God History Time

Ideologue: Typically an obscure humorless zealot who finds fulfillment by spouting the ideas of famous humorless zealots.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Beliefs Definitions

The trouble with facts is that there are so many of them.

(1857 – 1927) Unitarian Universalist minister
Facts Science/Weather

The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.

(1923 – 1966) stand-up comedian, writer, social critic & satirist
Beliefs People Understanding

I know I’m God because when I pray to him I find I’m talking to myself.

(1931 – 2004) English playwright & screenwriter
Beliefs God People Self

You do not need to put an Obama sticker on a Prius… we get it.


Autos Beliefs Things

The groundhog is like most other prophets; it delivers its prediction and then disappears.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor
Beliefs Opinion

All those football coaches who hold dressing-room prayers before a game should be forced to attend church once a week.

(1915 – 1987) American football player and coach
Beliefs Sports

The Bible declares that on the sixth day God created man; right then and there, God should have demanded a damage deposit.

(1943 – ) U.S. agriculture commissioner, columnist, activist & author
Beliefs God People

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Beliefs Health

Heaven goes by favor; for if it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals Beliefs Characteristics Dogs

Every scientific truth goes through three states: first, people say it conflicts with the Bible; next, they say it has been discovered before; lastly, they say they always believed it.

(1807 – 1873) paleontologist, glaciologist & geologist
Beliefs Facts Science/Weather

A conservative is one who admires radicals centuries after they're dead.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist
Beliefs Government Politics

The Jews celebrate Passover by eating unpalatable food to remind them what will happen to their people if they ever leave New York City.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Beliefs New York City Places Religion