Subject: Beliefs (Page 24)

Many people would be more truthful were it not for their uncontrollable desire to talk.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Characteristics Communication Honesty Speech Truth

Good Advice: What a man gives when he gets too old to set a bad example.

Beliefs Definitions Opinion

A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics Government Honesty Politicians

We are born naked, wet, and hungry; then things get worse.

Beliefs Murphy’s Laws

These days, the only time politicians tell the truth is when they call each other a liar.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Characteristics Honesty Lies Politicians Truth

God is not dead but alive and working on a much less ambitious project.

Beliefs God

I wouldn’t speak to her if I met her in hell and she was carrying ice.

Expressions Insults Opinion

I’ll tell you what’s unnatural in the eyes of God… contact lenses.

(1971 – ) British comedian
Beliefs God

There are more acres of forestland in America today than when Columbus discovered the continent in 1492.

(1951 – ) American conservative radio talk-show host
Lies Places Stupidity

I know of no sentence that can induce such immediate and brazen lying as the one that begins, "Have you read…"

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Characteristics Honesty Lies

Please don't lie to me, unless you're absolutely sure I'll never find out the truth.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Characteristics Honesty Lies Truth

Before arguing with your boss, make absolutely sure you’re right – then let the matter drop.

Beliefs

Liberal: One who tolerates all beliefs and opinions except those with which he disagrees.

Beliefs Definitions

Since a politician never believes what he says, he is quite surprised to be taken at his word.

(1890 – 1970) French president, general & statesman
Characteristics Government Honesty Politicians Truth

1. The information you have is not what you want. 2. The information you want is not what you need. 3. The information you need is not what you can obtain. 4. The information you can obtain costs more than you want to pay.

Beliefs Facts Murphy’s Laws

The only thing wrong with being an atheist is that there's nobody to talk to during an orgasm.

Beliefs Religion Sex

My wife and I did the Jewish divorce custom where we took a broken glass and we put it back together.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian
Beliefs Divorce Religion

What's right is what's left when everything is wrong.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Beliefs Language Opinion

When a man tells me he’s going to put all his cards on the table, I always look up his sleeve.

(1893 – 1957) British politician
Beliefs Honesty Situations

If you don't stick to your values when they're being tested, they're not values: they're hobbies.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Beliefs

Satan: The scarecrow in the religious cornfield.

Beliefs Definitions Religion