Subject: Beliefs (Page 26)

Carlyle said, “A lie cannot live;” it shows he did not know how to tell them.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Communication Language Lies

A thick skin is a gift from God.

(1876 – 1967) German statesman
Characteristics God

Lots of Christians wear crosses around their necks; you really think when Jesus comes back, he ever wants to see a f**king cross?

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Beliefs Religion

He's so honest you can shoot dice with him on the telephone.

(1931 – ) television newscaster
Characteristics Honesty

We must believe in free will… we have no choice.

(1902 – 1991) Polish Jewish American author
Beliefs Life

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist
Emotions Entertainment God Laughter

Anybody who thinks talk is cheap should get some legal advice.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Government Law Lawyers Money Opinion

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Beliefs God Religion

A fanatic is one who sticks to his guns whether they're loaded or not.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Arms Beliefs Opinion Things

I'm Jewish, and I experience a lot of racism as a Jew, probably even more than most Jews 'cause I'm a moneylender.

(1972 – ) stand-up comedian & writer
Beliefs Religion

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them… well, I have others.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Beliefs

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
God Men People Things

These days, the only time politicians tell the truth is when they call each other a liar.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Characteristics Honesty Lies Politicians Truth

It is important to our friends to believe that we are unreservedly frank with them, and important to friendship that we are not.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
Characteristics Friends Honesty People

The trouble with giving advice is that people want to repay you.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Beliefs

Catholicism is the most adhesive religion in the world; if you joined the Taliban, you’d merely be regarded as a bad Catholic.

(1972 – ) Irish comedian & television presenter
Beliefs Religion

Go back to what our founders and our founding documents meant – they’re quite clear –- that we would create law based on the God of the Bible and the Ten Commandments.

(1964 – ) U.S. governor (Alaska) commentator & author
Beliefs God Government Misspokements Stupidity

Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.

Characteristics Murphy’s Laws Truth

He will even tell a lie when it is not convenient to.

(1925 – 2012) author, playwright, essayist & screenwriter
Beliefs Honesty Lies

First night, you get socks; second night, an eraser, a notebook – it’s a back to school holiday.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Beliefs Religion Situations

If you are not an idealist by the time you are twenty you don’t have a heart, but if you are still an idealist by thirty you don’t have a head.

(1886 – 1918) American progressive writer & intellectual
Beliefs