Subject: Beliefs (Page 28)

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.

(1894 – 1963) English writer

Gray hair is God's graffiti.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor

Golf… is the infallible test; the man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist

Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

I have an existential map; it has ‘you are here’ written all over it.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Half the lies they tell about me aren’t true.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager

In view of the fact that God limited the intelligence of man, it seems unfair that He did not also limit his stupidity.

(1876 – 1967) German statesman

God always has another custard pie up His sleeve.

(1943 – 2010) English actress

Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? … If he knows anything about it, he shouldn’t!

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist

If Attila the Hun were alive today, he’d be a drama critic.

(1928 – ) playwright

Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist

Having the critics praise you is like having the hangman say you’ve got a pretty neck.

(1915 – ) American film, television & stage actor

Everyone’s a pacifist between wars; it’s like being a vegetarian between meals.

(1938 – ) American journalist, teacher, lecturer & pacifist

No matter how often the lie is shown to be false, there will still remain a percentage of people who believe it true.

It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Saying that you don’t believe in magic but do believe in God is a bit like saying you don’t have sex with dogs, except Labradors.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor

The Virgin Mary… we have a whole religion based on a woman who really stuck to her story.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality

Faith: Not wanting to know what is true.

(1844 – 1900) German philosopher

Good Advice: What a man gives when he gets too old to set a bad example.

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author