Subject: Beliefs (Page 29)

Any theory can be made to fit any facts by means of appropriate additional assumptions.

Facts Intelligence Murphy’s Laws

Never tell the truth to those unworthy of it.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Honesty Truth

The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.

(1923 – 1966) stand-up comedian, writer, social critic & satirist
Beliefs People Understanding

The truth may be out there, but the lies are inside your head.

(1948 – ) English novelist
Characteristics Honesty Intelligence Truth

Howard Hughes was able to afford the luxury of madness, like a man who not only thinks he is Napoleon but hires an army to prove it.

(1932 – ) French-American writer, biographer, journalist & historian
Beliefs Insults Opinion

Church is only society on earth that exists for the benefit of non-members.

(1881–1944) Archbishop of Canterbury
Beliefs Religion

If God were suddenly condemned to live the life which he has inflicted on men, he would kill himself.

(1824 – 1895) French writer
Beliefs God Life People

If God wanted me to bend over, he’d have put diamonds on the floor.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Activities God

There is one sure way of telling when politicians aren't telling the truth — their lips move.

(1946 – ) English actress
Characteristics Government Honesty Politicians Truth

At the Academy Award Dinners all the actors and actresses in Hollywood gather around to see what someone else thinks about their acting besides their press agents.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Beliefs Entertainment Film Opinion

1. In dealing with their “own” problems, faculty members are the most extreme conservatives 2. In dealing with “other” people's problems, they are the world's most extreme liberals.

Beliefs Government Murphy’s Laws Situations

Since my daughter is only half-Jewish, could she go in the water up to her knees?

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Beliefs

I would not want Jimmy Carter and his men in charge of snake control in Ireland.

(1916 – 2005) American politician & poet
Beliefs Insults Opinion

You couldn't be a racist and live in L.A.; you'd be exhausted.

(1973 – ) American stand-up comedian
Beliefs Places

Don’t ya know it’s bad luck to keep icrons in a Christian home?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops Religion

Man was predestined to have free will.

Beliefs Wordplay

A bare assertion is not necessarily the naked truth.

(1802 – 1870) American writer & editor
Characteristics Honesty Truth

The only thing that stops God sending a second Flood is that the first one was useless.

(1741 – 1794) French writer
Beliefs God

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

(1870 – 1916) British writer
Beliefs Facts

I believe our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals Beliefs God People

Sex is God's joke on human beings.

(1908 – 1989) American actress of film, television & theater
Beliefs God People Sex