Subject: Beliefs (Page 3)

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on Saturday and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on Saturday.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs Religion

Atheist: A man who has no invisible means of support.

(1875 – 1940) Scottish novelist, historian & Governor General of Canada
Beliefs Definitions Religion

It ain’t German to the conversation. It ain’t supposed to make sense; it’s faith. Faith is something that you believe that nobody in his right mind would believe.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Beliefs Malaprops TV/Movie Quotes

… the less a man knows, the more sure it is that he knows everything.

(1888 – 1957) English writer
Beliefs Intelligence People

Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics Husbands Marriage Time Truth Wives

Since a politician never believes what he says, he is quite surprised to be taken at his word.

(1890 – 1970) French president, general & statesman
Characteristics Government Honesty Politicians Truth

Faith is believing what you know ain’t so.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs

Finally, a guy who says what people who aren’t thinking are thinking.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Beliefs Intelligence Opinion Thinking

Conservative: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions

One could drive a schooner through any part of his argument and never scrape against a fact.

(1866 – 1940) academic, businessman & politician
Characteristics Facts Insults Truth

If one tells the truth, one is sure, sooner or later, to be found out.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Characteristics Honesty Truth

I'm part of the Jehovah's Witness Protection Program; I have to go door-to-door and tell everybody I'm somebody else.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Beliefs

The louder he talked of his honor, the faster we counted our spoons.

(1803 – 1882) essayist, poet, & philosopher
Characteristics Honesty

Every day, people are straying away from the Church and going back to God.

(1923 – 1966) stand-up comedian, writer, social critic & satirist
Beliefs God Religion

Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

Beliefs Communication

Faith can move mountains, but not furniture.

Beliefs Proverbs

I'm a great lover… I bet.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Beliefs Opinion Sex

I took a test in Existentialism; I left all the answers blank and got 100.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

Beliefs Proverbs

Going to war over religion, is basically just killing people in an argument over who has the better imaginary friend.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs Conflict Killing Religion War

All those football coaches who hold dressing-room prayers before a game should be forced to attend church once a week.

(1915 – 1987) American football player and coach
Beliefs Sports