Subject: Beliefs (Page 30)

It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs People Religion Sex Women

I was thrown out of NYU my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs Education School

If you are not an idealist by the time you are twenty you don’t have a heart, but if you are still an idealist by thirty you don’t have a head.

(1886 – 1918) American progressive writer & intellectual
Beliefs

We live in a world where people will have a GPS and a crucifix on the same dashboard.

(1967 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs

Jolson's ego was so big he could have given the Lord himself an inferiority complex.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Characteristics God

It's bad luck to be superstititious.

Beliefs Murphy’s Laws

You get fifteen Democrats in a room, and you get twenty opinions.

(1940 – ) U.S. senator (Vermont)
Beliefs Opinion Politicians

Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's rainin'!

Characteristics Expressions Honesty

What's right is what's left when everything is wrong.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Beliefs Language Opinion

Lady Astor to Churchill: ‘Sir you’re drunk!’

Churchill’s reply: Yes, madam, I am drunk, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Appearance Beliefs Opinion

I know God will not give me anything I can't handle; I just wish that He didn't trust me so much."

(1910 – 1997) Albanian–born Indian Roman Catholic nun
Beliefs God

Unitarian: One who denies the divinity of a Trinitarian.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

1. No matter what they're telling you, they're not telling you the whole truth. 2. No matter what they're talking about, they're talking about money.

Characteristics Honesty Lies Money Murphy’s Laws Truth

God writes a lot of comedy… the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.

(1942 – ) humorist & radio broadcaster
Emotions Entertainment God

More people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Beliefs Intelligence Religion

Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child; just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.

(1932 – 2009) author, poet & critic
Golf Honesty Insults Intelligence Sports

Nothing is more conducive to peace of mind than not having any opinions at all.

(1742 – 1799) German writer
Beliefs Opinion

I always advise people never to give advice.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Beliefs Opinion

What really matters is the name you succeed in imposing on the facts – not the facts themselves.

Facts Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather

Satan: The scarecrow in the religious cornfield.

Beliefs Definitions Religion

Clergyman: A ticket speculator outside the gates of Heaven.

Beliefs Definitions Occupations