Subject: Beliefs (Page 32)

It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends on his not understanding it.

(1878 – 1968) American author
Beliefs Intelligence

You take the lies out of him, and he'll shrink to the size of your hat; you take the malice out of him, and he'll disappear.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Honesty Insults Lies

Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Age Beliefs Honesty Lies

That politician is so crooked he can hide behind a corkscrew.

Characteristics Expressions Honesty

I am not a man of faith, but my wife is.

(1926 – ) English sports commentator
Beliefs Colemanballs Misspokements

Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Characteristics Honesty

The worst waste of breath, next to playing a saxophone, is advising a son.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Beliefs Children Family Opinion

Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

(1931 – ) Irish-American actor, writer & politician
Beliefs

Ours is a world where people don't know what they want and are willing to go through hell to get it.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
Beliefs People World

The best time to give advice to your children is while they’re still young enough to believe you know what you’re talking about.

Beliefs Children Family Intelligence Opinion

Free advice is worth the price.

businessman
Beliefs Money Opinion

Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high-powered rifle and scope.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Beliefs Communication Opinion

What’s a cult…it just means not enough people to make a minority.

(1925 – 2006) American film director, screenwriter & producer
Beliefs People

Journalists say a thing that they know isn’t true, in the hope that if they keep on saying it long enough it will be true.

1867 – 1931) English novelist
Communication Honesty Language Lies Truth

The world is a place that’s gone from being flat to round to crooked.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Crime Honesty Places World

Georgie believed in democracy, and he felt that everybody had a right to an opinion… his.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Democracy Government Opinion

Communism doesn’t work because people like to own stuff.

(1940 – 1993) composer, guitarist, record producer & film director
Beliefs People Things

My mom brought us to mass every Sunday – short for ‘massive head trauma’ that you get from your mother punching you in your little nine-year-old head every minute because you can’t sit still for anything that’s boring.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs

It [feminism] is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.

(1930 – ) American Southern Baptist minister, executive & media mogul
Beliefs Stupidity Women

It only rains straight down… God doesn't do windows.


God

Go back to what our founders and our founding documents meant – they’re quite clear –- that we would create law based on the God of the Bible and the Ten Commandments.

(1964 – ) U.S. governor (Alaska) commentator & author
Beliefs God Government Misspokements Stupidity