Subject: Beliefs (Page 32)

I was working on a flat tax proposal and accidentally proved there was no God.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Beliefs God TV/Movie Quotes

What do you call an honest Iranian businessman? … Asif.

(1965 – ) British-Iranian comedian, actor & writer
Beliefs Honesty People Places

Statistics are no substitute for common sense.

Beliefs Facts

The definition of an atheist in Alabama is a person who doesn’t believe in Bear Bryant.

Georgia football coach
Beliefs Places

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Opinion

The Catholics have an interesting view of sex; it is disgusting, amoral and filthy and you should save it for one you love.

(1957 – ) American actor, comedian & filmmaker
Beliefs Religion Sex

Howard Hughes was able to afford the luxury of madness, like a man who not only thinks he is Napoleon but hires an army to prove it.

(1932 – ) French-American writer, biographer, journalist & historian
Beliefs Insults Opinion

We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road; they get run over.

(1897 – 1960) Welsh labor leader & politician
Accidents Beliefs Opinion Problems

Why do they put the Gideon Bibles only in the bedrooms, where it’s usually too late?

(1890 – 1957) author & journalist
Places Religion

You only lie to two people in your life: your girlfriend and the police.

(1937 – ) American actor
Characteristics Honesty Lies

Atheist: A man who has no invisible means of support.

(1875 – 1940) Scottish novelist, historian & Governor General of Canada
Beliefs Definitions Religion

A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics Government Honesty Politicians

God wisely designed the human body so that we can neither pat our own backs nor kick ourselves too easily.

Beliefs God People Self

Public opinion reigns in society because stupidity reigns amongst the stupid.

(1741 – 1794) French writer
Beliefs Stupidity

Raise him a Luferan if you want, raise him a Norman with 7 wives, a holy roller, a Seventh Day Adventurer…

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops Religion

Patriotism is the conviction that your country is superior to all others because you were born in it.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Beliefs Government

A conservative is a man who does not think that anything should be done for the first time.

(1864 – 1937) American banker, Assistant Secretary of Treasury
Beliefs Characteristics Opinion

Beware of the half truth… you may have gotten hold of the wrong half.

Beliefs Honesty Truth

There are two types of actors: those who say they want to be famous and those who are liars.

(1958 – ) American film & theater actor
Characteristics Honesty Success

The world is a place that’s gone from being flat to round to crooked.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Crime Honesty Places World

… you're so crooked that if you swallowed a nail you'd shit a corkscrew.

(1898 – 1979) British military commander
Honesty Insults