Subject: Beliefs (Page 33)

We hate to have some people give us advice because we know how badly they need it themselves.

Beliefs Opinion

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Characteristics Entertainment Opinion

What really matters is the name you succeed in imposing on the facts – not the facts themselves.

Facts Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather

There is one sure way of telling when politicians aren't telling the truth — their lips move.

(1946 – ) English actress
Characteristics Government Honesty Politicians Truth

A liberal’s generosity is only limited by your income.

Beliefs Government

I Will Respect Your Opinion As Soon As You Stop Making Shit Up!

Beliefs Characteristics Facts Honesty Lies

If you want to know what God thinks of money, you only have to look at those to whom he gives it.

(1874 – 1945) English writer, translator & war correspondent
Beliefs God Money

It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs People Religion Sex Women

I was thrown out of NYU my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs Education School

The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology; until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Beliefs Religion

If beauty is truth, why don’t women go to the library to have their hair done?

(1805 – 1864) English editor, novelist & sporting writer
Appearance People Truth Women

My shrink told me it was pointless to believe in myself.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Beliefs Self

In high school, I wanted to be a feminist, but my boyfriend wouldn't let me.

comedian
Beliefs People

That's still how Irish people are seen, as twinkly-eyed f**kers with a pig under their arm, high-stepping it around the world, going 'I'll paint your house now, but watch out, I might steal the ladder later, ohohoho!' – which is only half true!

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Beliefs Places

You know what, evolution is a myth; why aren't monkeys still evolving into humans?

(1969 – ) U.S. Representative (Delaware)
Animals Beliefs

Ever notice how people who believe in creationism look really unevolved?

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Appearance Beliefs Religion

God is usually on the side of the big squadrons against the small.

(1618 – 1693) French memoirist
Conflict God War

The Bible declares that on the sixth day God created man; right then and there, God should have demanded a damage deposit.

(1943 – ) U.S. agriculture commissioner, columnist, activist & author
Beliefs God People

Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.

Beliefs Definitions Honesty Lies

I'm a great lover… I bet.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Beliefs Opinion Sex

A wise man once said, “Never discuss philosophy or politics in a disco environment.”

(1940 – 1993) composer, guitarist, record producer & film director
Beliefs Politics