Subject: Beliefs (Page 33)

Some people say there is a God; others say there is no God; the truth probably lies somewhere in between.

(1865 – 1939) Irish poet & politician
Beliefs God

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

Beliefs Proverbs

Droughts are because God didn’t pay his water bill.


God

My way of joking is to tell the truth.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Beliefs Honesty Truth

A man's got to believe in something… and I believe I'll have another drink.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Beliefs Food/Drink Individuals

‘Blessed is the man who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed’ was the ninth beatitude.

(1688 – 1744) English poet
Beliefs

My Opinions Change With New Information

Beliefs Opinion Signs

I will make a bargain with the Republicans; if they will stop telling lies about Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them

(1900 – 1965) diplomat & Democratic politician
Characteristics Honesty Lies Politicians Politics Truth

I can prove anything with statistics except the truth.

(1770 – 1827) British statesman, politician & prime minister
Beliefs Honesty Truth

Telling lies does not work in advertising.

(1909 – 1966) Polish poet, writer & aphorist
Characteristics Honesty Lies

No matter what side of an argument you're on, you always find some people on your side that wish you were on the other side.

(1901 –-1987) Russian-American violinist
Beliefs Opinion

Ronald Reagan is not a typical politician because he doesn't know how to lie, cheat, and steal; he's always had an agent do that.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Characteristics Honesty People Politics

My family wasn’t very religious; on Hanukkah, they had a menorah on a dimmer.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Beliefs Religion

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Communication Religion Speech

Church: Man’s effort to keep a roof over God’s head.

Beliefs Definitions God

Never tell the truth to those unworthy of it.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Honesty Truth

My parents are Catholic, which means that they love Jesus and liquor and I don't think there's anything more Mexican than that.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian
People Religion

God is silent; now if only man would shut up.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs God People

It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)
Beliefs People Religion

Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Emotions God Love Marriage

A bunch of money-grubbin', greenhouse-gassing, seal-clubbing, oil-drilling, Bible-thumping, missile-firing, right-to-life-ing, lethal-injecting hypocrites, whose idea of a good time is strapping a dead panda to a Lincoln Navigator and running over everybody in the gay parade.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs Government People Politics