Subject: Beliefs (Page 33)

They always throw around this term 'the liberal elite,' and I kept thinking to myself about the Christian right; what's more elite than believing that only you will go to heaven?

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Beliefs Government Politics Religion

If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Characteristics Facts Intelligence Situations Truth

God was left out of the Constitution but was furnished a front seat on the coins of the country.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs God

There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear of what the neighbors will say.

(1903 – 1974) English intellectual, literary critic & writer
Beliefs Death Opinion

God always has another custard pie up His sleeve.

(1943 – 2010) English actress
Beliefs God Situations

The trouble with giving advice is that people want to repay you.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Beliefs

He doesn’t have much of a reputation or so I’ve heard.

Beliefs Opinion

The more ridiculous a belief system, the higher the probability of its success.

Beliefs Murphy’s Laws Success

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Beliefs Characteristics Emotions

A liberal is a person whose interests aren't at stake at the moment.

Beliefs Government

The trouble with facts is that there are so many of them.

(1857 – 1927) Unitarian Universalist minister
Facts Science/Weather

My way of joking is to tell the truth.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Beliefs Honesty Truth

If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by statistical methods.

Beliefs Facts Intelligence Murphy’s Laws

Megachurches – I can’t be the only one frightened when our houses of worship sound like they could take on Godzilla.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Beliefs Religion

Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Opinion

An argument is a question with two sides and no end.

Beliefs Communication

Lots of Christians wear crosses around their necks; you really think when Jesus comes back, he ever wants to see a f**king cross?

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Beliefs Religion

Barack Obama's approval ratings are so low there is talk of replacing him with Jay Leno.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Opinion People

The Book of Life begins with a man and a woman in a garden… it ends with Revelations.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Beliefs Books Communication

Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Facts Science/Weather

An apology for the devil: it must be remembered that we have heard only one side of the case; God has written all the books.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist
Beliefs Books God