Subject: Beliefs (Page 35)

There were many reasons we broke up; there was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.

American actor & comedian
Beliefs Girlfriends Relationships Religion

The only thing wrong with being an atheist is that there's nobody to talk to during an orgasm.

Beliefs God Sex

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Opinion

I think of the church often; not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Beliefs Religion

We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road; they get run over.

(1897 – 1960) Welsh labor leader & politician
Accidents Beliefs Opinion Problems

Never believe anything until it has been officially denied.

(1904 – 1981) British journalist
Beliefs

Information travels more surely to those with a lesser need to know.

Beliefs Murphy’s Laws

Atheist: A man who has no invisible means of support.

(1875 – 1940) Scottish novelist, historian & Governor General of Canada
Beliefs Definitions Religion

Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Beliefs

The good Lord never gives you more than you can handle… unless you die of something.

(1935 – ) American cartoonist
Beliefs Death God Life Problems

White Lie: Aversion of the truth.

Beliefs Definitions Honesty Lies Truth

If you treat people right they will treat you right… ninety percent of the time.

(1882 – 1945) 32nd U.S. president
Characteristics Honesty People

God is in my head, but the devil is in my pants.

(1925 – 2013) comedian & actor
Beliefs God

I love seeing [the Pope] in his Pope-Mobile, his three feet of bullet proof plexi-glass… that’s faith in action folks; you know he’s got God on his side.

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Beliefs Religion

The world is moving so fast these days that the man who says it can't be done is generally interrupted by someone doing it.

(1878 – 1969) clergyman
Activities Beliefs Opinion Time

An alibi is a reason with a bad reputation.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Characteristics Honesty

The time to pray is not when we are in a tight spot but just as soon as we get out of it.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Beliefs Situations

Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.

(1922 – 2007) American novelist
Beliefs

Never mess up an apology with an excuse.

Beliefs Proverbs

The only time to be positive is when you are positive you are wrong.

Beliefs Murphy’s Laws

It takes two to lie, Marge. One to lie and one to listen.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Lies TV/Movie Quotes