Subject: Beliefs (Page 35)

How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs Body God Things

He couldn't ad-lib a fart after a baked-bean dinner.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Beliefs Entertainment Insults Opinion People

Truth varies.

Characteristics Government Honesty Murphy’s Laws Politics Truth

The pug is living proof that God has a sense of humor.

(1954 – 2000) humorist, writer & radio commentator
Animals Beliefs Dogs God

An easily understood, workable falsehood is more useful than a complex, incomprehensible truth.

Characteristics Honesty Intelligence Lies Murphy’s Laws Truth

If people wanted your unsolicited advice, they’d ask for it.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Beliefs Opinion

Praise does wonders for our sense of hearing.

(1905 –1998) American author
Beliefs Communication Opinion

Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Honesty Truth

There are two things that will be believed of any man whatsoever, and one of them is that he has taken to drink.

(1869 – 1946) American novelist & dramatist
Alcohol Beliefs Food/Drink Opinion

Man is Creation’s masterpiece; but who says so?

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher
Beliefs God

Anyone who says the truth shall set you free has never been to traffic court.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Characteristics Truth

Unitarian: One who denies the divinity of a Trinitarian.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

Radical: Anyone whose opinion differs from ours.

Beliefs Definitions People

I pledge allegiance to the Christian flag, and to the Savior, for whose Kingdom it stands, one Savior, crucified, risen, and coming again, with life and liberty for all who believe.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Beliefs Misspokements Religion

Pray, pray very much; but beware of telling god what you want.

Beliefs God Proverbs

Never tell the truth to those unworthy of it.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Honesty Truth

Fishing is a delusion entirely surrounded by liars in old clothes.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
Activities Beliefs Characteristics Clothing Lies Sports

Baptists never make love standing up; they're afraid someone might see them and think they're dancing!

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Beliefs Dance Religion Sex

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.

(1942 – ) American author and teacher
Beliefs Opinion

I've found that prayers work best when you have big players.

(1888 – 1931) American football player & coach
Beliefs Football Sports

I used to get bummed out when it rained; then I realized that it's God's way of washing off hippies.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Beliefs God People