Subject: Beliefs (Page 35)

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.

(1667 – 1745) Irish satirist & essayist
Beliefs Characteristics Communication Lies Truth

The world is moving so fast these days that the man who says it can't be done is generally interrupted by someone doing it.

(1878 – 1969) clergyman
Activities Beliefs Opinion Time

Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.

(1935 – ) screenwriter, author, director & producer
Beliefs Intelligence

Don't pay any attention to the critics; don't even ignore them.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Misspokements Occupations Opinion

Jerry Ford is so dumb that he can't fart and chew gum at the same time.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
Insults Opinion People

There are two things that will be believed of any man whatsoever, and one of them is that he has taken to drink.

(1869 – 1946) American novelist & dramatist
Alcohol Beliefs Food/Drink Opinion

If God wanted me to bend over, he’d have put diamonds on the floor.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Activities God

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
God Men People Things

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' – probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
God

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Beliefs Honesty

I believe in equality; equality for everybody; no matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Beliefs Characteristics Self

Well, um, you know, something’s neither good nor bad but thinking makes it so, I suppose, as Shakespeare said.

(1932 – ) American businessman & U.S. Secretary of Defense
Beliefs Misspokements

It is a curious thing… that every creed promises a paradise which will be absolutely uninhabitable for anyone of civilized taste.

(1903 – 1966) English writer
Beliefs Religion

An easily understood, workable falsehood is more useful than a complex, incomprehensible truth.

Characteristics Honesty Intelligence Lies Murphy’s Laws Truth

These days, the only time politicians tell the truth is when they call each other a liar.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Characteristics Honesty Lies Politicians Truth

Communism doesn’t work because people like to own stuff.

(1940 – 1993) composer, guitarist, record producer & film director
Beliefs People Things

If we are all God’s children, what’s so special about Jesus?

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Beliefs Religion

It's interesting to speculate how it developed that in two of the most anti-feminist institutions, the church and the law court, the men are wearing the dresses.

(1916 – 2000) American lawyer & activist
Appearance Clothing Law Religion Women

Rich men without convictions are more dangerous in modern society than poor women without chastity.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Beliefs Money People Wealth

There’s only one difference between Catholics and Jews; Jews are born with guilt, and Catholics have to go to school to learn it.

(1952 – ) comedian
Beliefs Characteristics People Religion

Don't get me wrong, I believe in God; I just don't trust anybody who works for him.

television executive & comedian
Beliefs God