Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Beliefs
(Page 37)
He goes to church on Sunday, steals chickens on Monday.
Anonymous
Beliefs
Expressions
Honesty
Behavior
A man can no more diminish God’s glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word ‘darkness’ on the walls of his cell.
C.S. Lewis
(1898 – 1963) Irish-born British novelist, literary critic & essayist
Beliefs
God
Atheism
Second to agriculture, humbug is the biggest industry of our age.
Alfred Nobel
(1833 – 1896) Swedish chemist, engineer, innovator & armaments manufacturer
Beliefs
Facts
Humbug
Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society.
Rush Limbaugh
(1951 – ) American conservative radio talk-show host
Beliefs
Stupidity
Feminism
If there's one thing I know it's God does love a good joke.
Hugh Elliott
blogger (Standing Room Only)
Beliefs
Emotions
God
Jokes
What can I say about Milton Berle that he already hasn't said himself?
George Burns
(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Characteristics
Opinion
Speech
Humility
Milton Berle
If you are not an idealist by the time you are twenty you don’t have a heart, but if you are still an idealist by thirty you don’t have a head.
Randolph Bourne
(1886 – 1918) American progressive writer & intellectual
Beliefs
Idealist
If beauty is truth, why don’t women go to the library to have their hair done?
R.S. Surtees
(1805 – 1864) English editor, novelist & sporting writer
Appearance
People
Truth
Women
I intended to give you some advice but now I remember how much is left over from last year unused.
George Washington Harris
(1814 – 1869) American humorist
Beliefs
Opinion
Advice
There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear of what the neighbors will say.
Cyril Connolly
(1903 – 1974) English intellectual, literary critic & writer
Beliefs
Death
Opinion
Suicide
Go back to what our founders and our founding documents meant – they’re quite clear –- that we would create law based on the God of the Bible and the Ten Commandments.
Sarah Palin
(1964 – ) U.S. governor (Alaska) commentator & author
Beliefs
God
Government
Misspokements
Stupidity
It is not enough to be abstinent with other people, you also have to be abstinent alone; the Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery…. you can’t masturbate without lust!
Christine O'Donnell
(1969 – ) U.S. Representative (Delaware)
Beliefs
Misspokements
Religion
Sex
Abstinence
Masturbation
Fishing is a delusion entirely surrounded by liars in old clothes.
Don Marquis
(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
Activities
Beliefs
Characteristics
Clothing
Lies
Sports
Delusion
Fishing
He made us all one true religion, Edith, which he named after his son, Christian – or Christ, for short.
Archie Bunker
television character,
All In the Family
(Carroll O’Connor)
Beliefs
Religion
TV/Movie Quotes
I think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.
Oscar Wilde
(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Beliefs
God
People
Ability
Overestimation
Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high-powered rifle and scope.
P.J. O'Rourke
(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Beliefs
Communication
Opinion
Born-again Christians
Facts without theory are trivia. Theory without facts is bullshit.
Beliefs
Facts
As Sheldon Cooper in “The Big Bang Theory”
Theory
Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.
H.L. Mencken
(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs
Communication
Reading/Writing
Religion
Ten Commandments
Communism doesn’t work because people like to own stuff.
Frank Zappa
(1940 – 1993) composer, guitarist, record producer & film director
Beliefs
People
Things
Communism
Cocaine is God's way of saying that you're making too much money.
Robin Williams
(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
God
Money
Cocaine
I worship the quicksand he walks in.
Art Buchwald
(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Beliefs
Insults
Language
Opinion
About Richard Nixon
Page 37 of 42
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