Subject: Beliefs (Page 38)

Conservative: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions

I have an existential map; it has ‘you are here’ written all over it.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Beliefs Self

There are three kinds of lies; lies, damned lies and statistics.

(1804 – 1881) British prime minister, politician & author
Characteristics Communication Honesty Lies

As long as we are lucky we attribute it to our smartness; our bad luck we give the gods credit for.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
God Intelligence Wisdom

In the beginning there was nothing and God said ‘Let there be light,’ and there was still nothing, but everybody could see it.

(1949 – ) Canadian comedian & actor
Beliefs God

Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.

(1922 – 2007) American novelist
Beliefs

Advertising is the art of making whole lies out of half truths.


Characteristics Communication Honesty Lies Truth

How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs Characteristics Clothing

If God wanted women to understand men, football would never have been created.

novelist, screenwriter & businessman
Football God Men Sports Women

It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.

Beliefs People Religion Sex

There is one sure way of telling when politicians aren't telling the truth — their lips move.

(1946 – ) English actress
Characteristics Government Honesty Politicians Truth

I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Beliefs Education Religion

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Food/Drink Opinion

The success of any venture will be helped by prayer, even in the wrong denomination.

Beliefs Murphy’s Laws Success

If it’s free, it’s advice; if you pay for it, it’s counseling; if you can use either one, it’s a miracle.

(1895 – 1968) Canadian hockey player, coach & general manager
Beliefs Opinion

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing… if you can fake that, you’ve got it made.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Characteristics Honesty Life Truth

America is a country of inventors, and the greatest of inventors are the newspaper men.

(1847 – 1922) Scottish scientist, inventor, engineer & innovator
Beliefs Communication Opinion Reading/Writing

Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Intelligence Religion

Raise him a Luferan if you want, raise him a Norman with 7 wives, a holy roller, a Seventh Day Adventurer…

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops Religion

I like the Ten Commandments, but there’s a problem with the ninth one; it should be: ‘Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s ox – except in Scrabble."

(1975 – ) Irish comedian, author, musician, actor & playwright
Beliefs Religion

What do you call an honest Iranian businessman? … Asif.

(1965 – ) British-Iranian comedian, actor & writer
Beliefs Honesty People Places