Subject: Beliefs (Page 38)

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Characteristics Communication Language Truth

I never give advice – I give warnings to live by.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Beliefs

Never believe anything until it has been officially denied.

(1904 – 1981) British journalist
Beliefs

If you call on God to improve the results of a shot while it is still in motion, you are using “an outside agency” and subject to appropriate penalties under the rules of golf.

British golf writer & commentator
God Golf Sports

The correct advice to give is the advice that is desired.

Murphy’s Laws Opinion

Hell hath no fury like a liberal scorned.

(1932 – 2017) comedian, social activist, critic & writer
Anger Beliefs Characteristics

There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can’t tell the truth without lying.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics Honesty Lies

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs

More people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Beliefs Intelligence Religion

Nun: A creature of habit.

Definitions Religion

I’m a strict Catholic; this year I gave up abstinence for Lent.

English writer & comedian
Beliefs Religion Sex

I know her in the biblical sense… and when I say that, I mean I don’t believe a word she says.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Beliefs Honesty

My shrink told me it was pointless to believe in myself.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Beliefs Self

Don't squat with your spurs on.

Beliefs Proverbs Situations

I have too much respect for the idea of God to make it responsible for such an absurd world.

(1884 – 1966) French author
Beliefs God

Religion is basically guilt with different holidays.

American stand-up comedian, television writer & actor
Beliefs Religion

Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you; tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure.

Beliefs Murphy’s Laws

Telling lies does not work in advertising.

(1909 – 1966) Polish poet, writer & aphorist
Characteristics Honesty Lies

Among the many remedies that won’t cure a cold, the most common is advice.

Beliefs Health

I don’t always know what I’m talking about but I know I’m right.

(1942 – ) American boxing champion
Beliefs People Self

I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Past Situations Truth