Subject: Beliefs (Page 39)

Church: Man’s effort to keep a roof over God’s head.

Beliefs Definitions God

Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance or a stranger.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Beliefs Opinion

Here's some advice for you guys: never hire a clown named Molesto.

stand-up comedian
Beliefs

Man was predestined to have free will.

Beliefs Wordplay

I’m saying I can’t afford to make no donations to no Catholic charities. If you need the money that bad, wire the Pope, he’s got more money than God.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Beliefs Religion TV/Movie Quotes

Liberal: A man with his mind open at both ends.

Beliefs Definitions People

A liberal is man who will give away everything he doesn’t own.

(1902 – 1963) Danish actor
Beliefs

It is not enough to be abstinent with other people, you also have to be abstinent alone; the Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery…. you can’t masturbate without lust!

(1969 – ) U.S. Representative (Delaware)
Beliefs Misspokements Religion Sex

I don't want someone shoving his views down my throat, unless they're covered in a crunchy candy shell.

(1964 – ) comedian, political satirist, writer & television host
Beliefs Food/Drink Opinion

In the beginning, there was nothing. And God said, 'Let there be Light.' And there was still nothing, but you could see it a bit better.

Beliefs God Situations

He that wishes to learn to pray, let him go to sea.

(1593 – 1633) Welsh-born poet, orator & Anglican priest
Beliefs Religion

Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Honesty Truth

There are two things that will be believed of any man whatsoever, and one of them is that he has taken to drink.

(1869 – 1946) American novelist & dramatist
Alcohol Beliefs Food/Drink Opinion

Second to agriculture, humbug is the biggest industry of our age.

(1833 – 1896) Swedish chemist, engineer, innovator & armaments manufacturer
Beliefs Facts

… you're so crooked that if you swallowed a nail you'd shit a corkscrew.

(1898 – 1979) British military commander
Honesty Insults

A conservative is one who is opposed to the things he is in favor of.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher
Beliefs

The time to pray is not when we are in a tight spot but just as soon as we get out of it.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Beliefs Situations

In high school, I wanted to be a feminist, but my boyfriend wouldn't let me.

comedian
Beliefs People

Why's God always got such wacky shit to say?… when's the last time you heard somebody say, 'God told me to get a muffin and a cup of tea and cool out, man.'

American comedian & actor
Beliefs Communication God Speech

There are more fish taken out of a stream than ever were in it.

(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator
Activities Beliefs Honesty Lies

Some persons are likable in spite of their unswerving integrity.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
Characteristics Honesty People