Subject: Beliefs (Page 39)

I have discovered that all human evil comes from this – man's being unable to sit still in a room.

(1623 – 1662) French mathematician & physicist
Beliefs Situations

If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Beliefs Elections/Voting God Government

There are more acres of forestland in America today than when Columbus discovered the continent in 1492.

(1951 – ) American conservative radio talk-show host
Lies Places Stupidity

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Beliefs Music Religion

A woman will lie about anything, just to stay in practice.

(1888 – 1959) detective novelist & screenwriter
Characteristics Honesty Lies People Women

You do a lot of praying, but most of the time the answer is “no.”

(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Football Religion Sports

It is common sense to take a method and try it… if it fails, admit it frankly and try another; but above all, try something.

(1882 – 1945) 32nd U.S. president
Beliefs Success

I have learned from my mistakes, and I am sure I can repeat them exactly.

(1937 – 1995) English satirist, writer & comedian
Beliefs

I’m saying I can’t afford to make no donations to no Catholic charities. If you need the money that bad, wire the Pope, he’s got more money than God.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Beliefs Religion TV/Movie Quotes

A Sunday school is a prison in which children do penance for the evil conscience of their parents.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs Children Family Parents Religion

Honesty is the best policy – when there is money in it.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Honesty Money

The trouble with born-again Christians is that they are an even bigger pain the second time around.

(1916 – 1997) newspaper journalist
Beliefs Religion

Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.

Beliefs Sex

A church is a place in which gentlemen who have never been to heaven brag about it to persons who will never get there.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs Places

Frankly, I’m suspicious of anyone who has a strong opinion on a complicated issue.

(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)
Beliefs Opinion

If you call on God to improve the results of a shot while it is still in motion, you are using “an outside agency” and subject to appropriate penalties under the rules of golf.

British golf writer & commentator
God Golf Sports

God was left out of the Constitution but was furnished a front seat on the coins of the country.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs God

Very sorry can't come; lie follows by post.

(1846 – 1919) British Admiral & member of Parliament
Characteristics Honesty Lies

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Beliefs Health

I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Beliefs Education Religion

Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child; just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.

(1932 – 2009) author, poet & critic
Golf Honesty Insults Intelligence Sports