Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
Home
About
Categories
Activities
Age
Animals
Appearance
Beliefs
Characteristics
Communication
Conflict
Death
Education
Emotions
Entertainment
Family
Food/Drink
Government
Health
Intelligence
Life
Marriage
Miscellaneous
Money
People
Places
Problems
Relationships
Science/Weather
Sex
Situations
Sports
Success
Things
Time
Work
Additional Categories
Book Titles
Confucius say
Definitions
Epitaphs
Exaggerations
Expressions
Hollywood Squares
Insults
Last Words
Murphy's Laws
Place Names
Proverbs
Reviews/Criticism
Song Titles
Tom Swifties
TV/Movie Quotes
Oops...
Bushisms
Church Bulletins
Classified Ads
Colemanballs
Headlines
Malaprops
Misspokements
Signs
Translations
Yogi-isms
Some Popular Authors
Abraham Lincoln
Alfred E. Neuman
Ambrose Bierce
Benjamin Franklin
Dave Barry
Demetri Martin
Dorothy Parker
Emo Phillips
George Carlin
Groucho Marx
H.L. Mencken
Homer Simpson
Jeff Foxworthy
Jimmy Carr
Joan Rivers
Mae West
Mark Twain
Mitch Hedberg
Oscar Wilde
Phyllis Diller
Richard Lewis
Rita Rudner
Rodney Dangerfield
Steven Wright
Stewart Francis
W.C. Fields
Will Rogers
Woody Allen
View All Authors
Subject:
Beliefs
(Page 40)
The fact that he relies on facts … says things that are not factual… are going to undermine his campaign.
George W. Bush
(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Facts
Government
Campaigns
On Al Gore
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs
Clothing
Things
After life
Underwear
In the first place God made idiots; that was for practice; then he made school boards.
Mark Twain
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs
Education
Fools
God
Insults
Intelligence
School boards
If God had intended us to go around naked, He would have made us that way.
Olum's Observation
Appearance
Beliefs
Clothing
God
I’ll not listen to reason… reason always means what someone else has got to say.
Elizabeth Ceghorn Gaskell
(1810 – 1865) English writer
Beliefs
Opinion
Reason
Some of ours [umpires] is so crooked that they can lay in a berth only when the train’s making a curve.
Ring Lardner
(1885 – 1933) columnist & writer
Baseball
Beliefs
Sports
Dishonesty
Umpires
Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
Anonymous
Beliefs
Communication
Exaggerations
Oxymorons
I like Jesus, but he
loves
me, so it's awkward.
Tom Stade
Canadian comedian
Beliefs
Religion
Jesus
Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs
Education
Oneness
Twoness
Man makes plans . . . and God laughs.
Michael Chabon
(1963 – ) American writer
Beliefs
God
I must choose my words carefully in order to avoid any negative interpretation; among politicians, this is a tactic known as lying.
Pat Paulsen
(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign
Characteristics
Government
Honesty
Lies
Politicians
Following the path of least resistance is what makes men and rivers crooked.
Nowlan’s Deduction
Characteristics
Honesty
Murphy’s Laws
God is good, but never dance in a small boat.
Proverb
Dance
God
Proverbs
Things
Boat
It [feminism] is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.
Pat Robertson
(1930 – ) American Southern Baptist minister, executive & media mogul
Beliefs
Stupidity
Women
Feminism
Americans detest all lies except lies spoken in public or printed lies.
Edgar Watson Howe
(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
America
Characteristics
Honesty
Lies
People
Any theory can be made to fit any facts by means of appropriate additional assumptions.
Schumpeter's Observation of Scientific and Nonscientific Theories
Facts
Intelligence
Murphy’s Laws
Assumptions
Theories
My parents are Catholic, which means that they love Jesus and liquor and I don't think there's anything more Mexican than that.
Megan Anne Mooney
(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian
People
Religion
Catholicism
Jesus
Liquor
Mexican
Let my people go!
Mort Sahl
(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Beliefs
Religion
At a viewing of “Exodus”
Jews
It is a curious thing… that every creed promises a paradise which will be absolutely uninhabitable for anyone of civilized taste.
Evelyn Waugh
(1903 – 1966) English writer
Beliefs
Religion
Paradise
1. Anyone can make a decision given enough facts. 2. A good manager can make a decision without enough facts. 3. A perfect manager can operate in perfect ignorance.
Spencer's Laws of Data
Facts
Murphy’s Laws
Decisions
Managers
Patriotism is the conviction that your country is superior to all others because you were born in it.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Beliefs
Self
Patriotism
Page 40 of 42
« First
« Previous
38
39
40
41
42
Next »