Subject: Beliefs (Page 40)

I find that a duck’s opinion of me is heavily influenced by whether or not I have bread.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals Beliefs Food/Drink Opinion

Don't lie, steal, or cheat unnecessarily.

Characteristics Conflict Honesty Murphy’s Laws

It’s great that we’ve got a compassionate conservative, but to me, that sounds like a Volvo with a gun rack.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Beliefs Government People

The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist
Characteristics Honesty Lies

The best cure for Christianity is reading the Bible.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Religion

Catholics don't get divorced; they stay together through anger and hatred and festering misery, just like God intended.

(1953 – ) American comedian & actor
Divorce Marriage Religion

I believe in equality; equality for everybody; no matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Beliefs Characteristics Self

Speak the truth, but leave immediately after.

Beliefs Honesty Proverbs Truth

America is a country of inventors, and the greatest of inventors are the newspaper men.

(1847 – 1922) Scottish scientist, inventor, engineer & innovator
Beliefs Communication Opinion Reading/Writing

Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Characteristics Opinion People

It is common sense to take a method and try it… if it fails, admit it frankly and try another; but above all, try something.

(1882 – 1945) 32nd U.S. president
Beliefs Success

1. Anyone can make a decision given enough facts. 2. A good manager can make a decision without enough facts. 3. A perfect manager can operate in perfect ignorance.

Facts Murphy’s Laws

A witness shall not bear falsies against thy neighbor.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Characteristics Lies

Pop up your hand if you like participating in market research.


Beliefs Opinion

If there's one thing I know it's God does love a good joke.

blogger (Standing Room Only)
Beliefs Emotions God

I am determined that my children shall be brought up in their father’s religion, if they can find out what it is.

(1775 – 1834) English critic & essayist
Beliefs Family Fathers Religion

He lies so bad he hires somebody to call his dogs.

Characteristics Expressions Honesty Lies

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Activities Beliefs Games

It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs People Religion Sex Women

I think it pisses God off if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don’t notice it.

(1944 – ) American author & activist
Beliefs

Megachurches – I can’t be the only one frightened when our houses of worship sound like they could take on Godzilla.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Beliefs Religion