Subject: Beliefs (Page 40)

The fact that he relies on facts … says things that are not factual… are going to undermine his campaign.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Facts Government

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs Clothing Things

In the first place God made idiots; that was for practice; then he made school boards.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Education Fools God Insults Intelligence

If God had intended us to go around naked, He would have made us that way.

Appearance Beliefs Clothing God

I’ll not listen to reason… reason always means what someone else has got to say.

(1810 – 1865) English writer
Beliefs Opinion

Some of ours [umpires] is so crooked that they can lay in a berth only when the train’s making a curve.

(1885 – 1933) columnist & writer
Baseball Beliefs Sports

Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

Beliefs Communication

I like Jesus, but he loves me, so it's awkward.

Canadian comedian
Beliefs Religion

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs Education

Man makes plans . . . and God laughs.

(1963 – ) American writer
Beliefs God

I must choose my words carefully in order to avoid any negative interpretation; among politicians, this is a tactic known as lying.

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign
Characteristics Government Honesty Lies Politicians

Following the path of least resistance is what makes men and rivers crooked.

Characteristics Honesty Murphy’s Laws

God is good, but never dance in a small boat.

Dance God Proverbs Things

It [feminism] is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.

(1930 – ) American Southern Baptist minister, executive & media mogul
Beliefs Stupidity Women

Americans detest all lies except lies spoken in public or printed lies.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
America Characteristics Honesty Lies People

Any theory can be made to fit any facts by means of appropriate additional assumptions.

Facts Intelligence Murphy’s Laws

My parents are Catholic, which means that they love Jesus and liquor and I don't think there's anything more Mexican than that.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian
People Religion

Let my people go!

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Beliefs Religion

It is a curious thing… that every creed promises a paradise which will be absolutely uninhabitable for anyone of civilized taste.

(1903 – 1966) English writer
Beliefs Religion

1. Anyone can make a decision given enough facts. 2. A good manager can make a decision without enough facts. 3. A perfect manager can operate in perfect ignorance.

Facts Murphy’s Laws

Patriotism is the conviction that your country is superior to all others because you were born in it.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Beliefs Self