Subject: Beliefs (Page 40)

At the Academy Award Dinners all the actors and actresses in Hollywood gather around to see what someone else thinks about their acting besides their press agents.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Beliefs Entertainment Film Opinion

Religion is just what we thought before we understood what mental illness was.

(1972 – ) Scottish comedian
Beliefs Religion

I know I’m God because when I pray to him I find I’m talking to myself.

(1931 – 2004) English playwright & screenwriter
Beliefs God People Self

Sometimes you have to take things on faith, even if you don't have any faith.

Beliefs

I don't want someone shoving his views down my throat, unless they're covered in a crunchy candy shell.

(1964 – ) comedian, political satirist, writer & television host
Beliefs Food/Drink Opinion

Liberal: One who tolerates all beliefs and opinions except those with which he disagrees.

Beliefs Definitions

Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions

Public opinion is the worst of all opinions.

(1741 – 1794) French writer
Beliefs Opinion

A church steeple with a lightning rod on top shows a lack of confidence.

(1959 – ) Australian writer & television producer
Beliefs Things

The only thing wrong with being an atheist is that there's nobody to talk to during an orgasm.

Beliefs Religion Sex

If Attila the Hun were alive today, he’d be a drama critic.

(1928 – ) playwright
Beliefs Opinion

It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.

Beliefs People Religion Sex

If we were truly created by God, then why do we still occasionally bite the insides of our own mouths?

(1972 – ) Irish comedian & television presenter
Beliefs God Self

I’m opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Money Opinion Wealth

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike; then I realised that The Lord doesn’t work that way… so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.

(1973 – ) English comedian, writer, actor, director & producer
Beliefs God

Good Advice: What a man gives when he gets too old to set a bad example.

Beliefs Definitions Opinion

He goes to church on Sunday, steals chickens on Monday.

Beliefs Expressions Honesty

The missionaries go forth to Christianize the savages – as if the savages weren't dangerous enough already.

(1927 – 1989) author, essayist & environmentalist
Beliefs God Opinion Religion

White Supremacists: The most convincing argument against the theory of white racial superiority.

Beliefs Definitions Intelligence People

I try not to break the rules but merely to test their elasticity.

(1914 – 1986) American baseball team owner & promoter
Characteristics Honesty

If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by statistical methods.

Beliefs Facts Intelligence Murphy’s Laws