Subject: Beliefs (Page 5)

It only rains straight down… God doesn't do windows.


God

God is good, but never dance in a small boat.

Dance God Proverbs Things

I have an existential map; it has ‘you are here’ written all over it.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Beliefs Self

Although it is not true that all conservatives are stupid people, it is true that most stupid people are conservative.

(1806-1873) British philosopher
Beliefs Government Intelligence Opinion Stupidity

Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

(1931 – ) Irish-American actor, writer & politician
Beliefs

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs God Opinion

I have too much respect for the idea of God to make it responsible for such an absurd world.

(1884 – 1966) French author
Beliefs God

An alibi is a reason with a bad reputation.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Characteristics Honesty

There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Beliefs People

Making a speech on economics is a lot like pissing down your leg; it seems hot to you, but it never does to anyone else.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
Beliefs Communication Opinion Speech

I have a friend; he keeps trying to convince me he’s a compulsive liar, but I don’t believe him.

(1970 – ) American comedian & television game show host
Beliefs Honesty Lies

I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.

(1884 – 1972) 33rd U.S. president
Beliefs Children

I believe our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals Beliefs God People

What's right is what's left when everything is wrong.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Beliefs Language Opinion

Why are there so many puritans in this country, and why can’t the rest of us make them go away?!

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Beliefs

People that put up Christmas decorations, all they’re saying is ‘Hey, we’re not Jews.’

(1957 – ) American comedian
Beliefs Religion Situations

It [feminism] is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.

(1930 – ) American Southern Baptist minister, executive & media mogul
Beliefs Stupidity Women

The Virgin Mary… we have a whole religion based on a woman who really stuck to her story.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Beliefs Religion

The person with the least expertise has the most opinions.

Beliefs Murphy’s Laws Opinion

Never tell the truth to those unworthy of it.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Honesty Truth

Jolson's ego was so big he could have given the Lord himself an inferiority complex.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Characteristics God